


A Madness Most Discreet

by MartineBishop



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars - The Last Jedi - Fandom
Genre: F/M, Slow Burn, Star Wars - The Last Jedi, force connection, force vision
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-29
Updated: 2018-01-21
Packaged: 2019-02-23 13:34:47
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 28,833
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13191180
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MartineBishop/pseuds/MartineBishop
Summary: POST STAR WARS - THE LAST JEDI FIC!Rey is the Resistance's beacon of hope. Kylo Ren the new Supreme Leader of the First Order. Both have immense expectations to live up to. Where can they turn for someone who understands when both the Resistance and the First Order are hell-bent to kill each other?





	1. Counting Losses

Red mineral earth dominated the abandoned battlefield, covered here and there by a thin sheet of freshly fallen snow. It looked as if millions of gallons of blood had been spilled.

Supreme Leader Kylo Ren stood with his arms crossed over his chest. He watched in silence as his army ushered the MegaCaliber Six back into their transporter ships, dissembled the cannon and rallied the troops. He remained apart from the men, so they wouldn’t see his jaw muscles work nervously, wouldn’t see him clenching and unclenching his fists. The leather of his gloves made an unnerving sound. His eyes kept darting towards a corner in the sky where the Millennium Falcon had disappeared – hours ago. Yet it was like an itch to keep looking for the damned ship. Of course they hadn’t been able to track it. You could track ponderous Resistance cruisers, but not one of the fastest ships in the galaxy. They had decimated the Resistance to almost nothing, a sorry handful of refugees. They had destroyed their bomber units, their command ship. They had even killed most of their leaders. Counting the numbers, the First Order had won. Then why did he feel so defeated? Fresh anger bubbled up in Kylo Ren. Frustration. He longed to destroy things with his light saber, to find an outlet for all that rage. But he knew he couldn’t, not anymore. He was the Supreme Leader now. A Supreme Leader didn’t throw light saber tantrums before his assembled troops.

General Hux’s black figure walked towards Kylo Ren. The red-haired man saluted crisply. “Loading is almost complete, Supreme Leader. We’ll be ready to depart in a few minutes”.

Kylo Ren nodded and strode past Hux towards the command ship, ignoring the General. Hux hurried after him, joining Kylo Ren as he ascended the ship’s gangway. He gave the black-haired man an irritated look.

“What is our course?” he asked.

Kylo Ren rounded a corner, and the door to the bridge hissed open. He sat down in the command chair. The bridge crew had tensed as he had entered. He could practically feel them hold their breaths. They were afraid. Good.

“Canto Bight” Kylo Ren told General Hux.

 

Rey blew across the canteen in her hands. The steam billowed and momentarily obscured her vision of the people sitting in front of her. She took a sip, feeling the hot and slightly spicy liquid run down her throat. That felt good. Really good. She closed her eyes and took a longer draught. Then she put the cup down on the table in front of her.

“Forty-seven people?” Rey asked.

Finn nodded silently, Poe to his right mirrored him.

“Forty-seven rebels – including us three – is all we have left?”.

“For now” Finn said. “There are thousands, _millions_ , of sympathizers out there, though. If we can rally _them_ –“

“No, she meant if _I_ can rally them” Rey interrupted him. She sighed, holding the tea cup against her lips. “That’s what General Organa really said, isn’t it? No-one answered when we called for help. Not a single faction. But if the so-called new _Jedi_ called …“.

Poe spread his hands across the table. “We have to try _everything_ , Rey. If we’re not willing to do that, we might as well turn around and present our sorry hides on the Supreme Leader’s doorstep. Hoping he’ll grant us a quick and merciful death. Though I doubt it”.

The Supreme Leader. Rey tightened the grip around the canteen, ignoring the uncomfortable heat in her fingers. Ben Solo. She could still see it, his solid, bright future. When their fingertips had touched, even if it had been only through the Force Connection. It was beautiful. Powerful. And now he was ‘the Supreme Leader’. That title rang so wrong.

“Poe’s right, Rey” Finn said. “We need more. More ships. More people. More weapons. More intel. More allies. With the token crew we have now we can’t even man _one_ proper war cruiser, let alone an X-Wing fleet that makes any difference at all”.

The intercom suddenly crackled to life, sparing Rey the need to come up with an answer. “Everyone, assemble in the command central please” General Organa said.  


Blue and black uniforms to the left, a sea of white helmets to the right. All standing in rank and file, neat, stiff and unmoving. Thousands of them. Kylo Ren drew in a long breath. Ah yes, he could taste their fear on the air. It vibrated nervously around him. A room full of terrified people was felt easily through the Force. There were holes in that smell, though. Like blotches on a masterful painting, it ruined a perfect picture. Some of those numbers down there were not afraid enough to be pushed into silent obedience. The Supreme Leader took his time as he let his eyes roam over the crew and troops. He stood atop a small platform that overlooked the hangar which had been cleared to allow the large assembly.

In the front row stood his Commanders and Captains. It was there that he sensed the most lack in loyalty. It didn’t surprise him. Those people were used to lead, not to being lead. General Hux, his highest-ranking officer, might have kept them in check, but barely so. In truth it had been only Snoke’s perpetual presence in the back of everyone’s mind that had let Hux keep control over the likes of a Captain Canady. Snoke was gone, though, and Kylo Ren couldn’t Force-choke every single person into submission. They still saw him as the scarred, angry youth, didn’t they? Snoke’s whiny pupil who couldn’t keep his emotions in check? He could practically hear it in their unspoken thoughts. Kylo Ren ground his teeth together. How dare they! He descended the steps to the level of his officers, with the rows of crew and Storm Troopers stretching out behind them. He whipped the light saber from his belt and ignited it. The sound ripped through the silence, provoking a satisfying echo.

“Things are changing now!” he yelled angrily across the room and strode towards the first Commander, his jaw set.  


“… not until the very last of us has fallen!”, General Organa concluded her heartfelt speech to the remaining forty-seven rebels. The round of applause she received was sincere, yet it felt forlorn even in the small space they had gathered in. The plan had been quickly told: one half of them would dedicate their resources to acquiring new fighters, and with those, hopefully, new ships and weapons. The other half was tasked to gather intel on the First Order. If they couldn’t stage another full attack like the last one, they could at least make the First Order’s life miserable until their numbers were healthy again. In other words, Leia wanted them to infiltrate and sabotage the enemy ships. Cut wires here and there, spread false information, disrupt supply shipments, tinker with environmental controls and so forth. It would not be enough to destroy them, not by a long shot. But a single, tiny insect with a sting could still be a large pain in the ass.

Rey stood at the front of the half-circle, the General but a step away from her. Behind her, the people began to disassemble. The mumbling had a hopeful note to it, now that everyone had a purpose and a plan again.

Leia lowered herself on one of the worn benches she had been standing in front of and waved a hand at Rey, signalling to join her.

“When the Falcon had lifted off Crait, there had been nothing but death on everyone’s mind” she said to Rey, her voice quiet. “So many people dead, so many of them beacons of hope. Vice Admiral Holdo, Luke. All those brave women and men who had joined the Resistance. Our numbers are decimated to a point where the pain from it comes very close to unconsciousness, Rey”.

“But you’re still here” Rey answered. “That means a lot to those people”.

Leia nodded and put an arm around the young woman, almost like a mother. “And now you are here, too. That means a lot more” she whispered to her.

Rey set her jaw. “I will do everything to get this rebellion back on its feet” she said. “I promise. But I won’t lie. Lies are what the First Order uses. If we do that, we are no better than them”.

 “And you won’t have to, Rey. Why would you think that?”. Leia drew her brows together.

“Because everyone seems to think I’m the bright new Jedi. But I’m not – I’m a not a Jedi.” Rey said, sounding small.

“No, you’re not” the General answered calmly. “And your command of the Force isn’t by far your only asset to us. You have literally been in the heart of the First Order. The things you’ve seen through the Force Connection with Ben-“

“- is all in the reports I gave”, Rey interrupted her. “I told you everything I know”.

“Yes, and those reports have already been incredibly helpful. But some details that you might not remember just now, some background noise, or some little thing Ben said, those things could be important. Even if they seemed inconsequential to you when you experienced them”.

Rey suppressed a sigh. She knew the General was right. But she didn’t feel comfortable to talk about the Force Connection. The moments she had with Ben, they had been … private things. Conversations shared only between the two of them. Removed, yet more intimate had they been alone in a room together. The Visions were hard to explain to anyone not Force sensitive, let alone make people understand their unique nature. It made no sense, even to herself. She should have no reservations whatsoever – and yet they were there. With Ben lost to being the new Supreme Leader Kylo Ren, Rey knew she should by all means spill every little thing he had ever said to her. The Connection was gone, anyway. For a week now, they were jumping in and out of hyperspace, bringing as much distance as possible between the Falcon and the First Order ships. She hadn’t felt the slightest tingling in the back of her mind. Not that she _wanted_ them to come back. Not at all, no.  
  
Kylo Ren didn’t turn on the lights when he entered his quarters. There was a wall with screens to the left, just next to the door, that gave off a wisp of luminescence, lighting enough of the room for him to not bump into furniture. He sank into the chair facing the screens. He shrugged out of the gloves, lowering his head slowly into his hands. A long pent-up breath escaped him. Why was this _so hard_? Why couldn’t everyone _just do what they were told_? Objections, questions, brows creased silently at his commands. Didn’t they understand the power he now wielded? He had killed Snoke. He had outwitted the mighty Sith Supreme Leader. He _was_ the Supreme Leader. Only some twenty insubordinates had lost their heads today to an easy swing of his light saber. The ones that had practically stank of doubt. Then those holes in their quivering fear had gradually closed. That was better. But not enough. People would whisper, perhaps even plot. For now, he could only control those with the Force that were within a certain proximity of him. So what of the other ships? What if they decided to mutiny? A swift, coordinated attack could end him, Force or no Force. Even if his ranking officers were proven loyal, anyone could gather a team and take over ship. He could not mind-read every last, minor radar technician. 

What else could he do?

Kylo Ren lifted his head and stared at the wall, his eyes unfocused. Only now did he notice the silence of his dark quarters. Except for the low whirrs of machinery that had faded to the background of his perception, there was no other sound.

It was dark, and he was very alone

No-one would tell him what to do next. There was not a single being in the galaxy that he could ask for advice - he had killed the only one that could offer any help.

No, he thought and put his head back into the palms of his hands, feeling the scar run down the side of his face. That wasn’t true.

There was one other person.  
  
  
“Endor?” Rose asked. “Why Endor? There’s nothing there but a destroyed Empire battle station, if I know my history right. Besides, shouldn’t we make for the Outer Rim?”. The young woman had been up for only half a day, one arm in a sling and the other one hefting a crutch for support. Rey studied her. For all that she had been through, she seemed pretty indestructible.

“A battle station the Empire has never thought to reclaim, as far as we know. And Endor practically _is_ in the Outer Rim” General Organa explained. “Even if we don’t find a shiny fleet of TIE fighters, we might be able to salvage some useful things”

“Tech that is outdated thirty years?” Poe said doubtfully, crossing his arms and leaning back in his chair.

“The Millennium Falcon is older than that” Finn objected. “And it still works like a charm”.

Rose played with her half-moon amulet, her eyes distant. “The outdated tech might not be such a bad idea after all. The First Order won’t be able to trace most of this, after all these years”.

“Exactly my point” the General said and got up from the round table. She turned to Rey who had been silent until now. “I have the coordinates. Chart the course”.  
   

Canto Bight was a mess. Disgusted, Kylo Ren turned away from the immense windows that overlooked the main casino. It wasn’t just the fact that construction droids were swarming around numerous damaged buildings. He had never liked it here in the first place. However, he hadn’t commanded his fleet here for anyone to have fun. Despicable though it was, information flowed here as availably as wines and weapon deals. If there was one place to gather intel on the escaped Resistance fighters, it was here.

An entire building on the gambling planet was permanently reserved for the First Order or their important guests, so they had had no trouble setting up base here. The Supreme Leader had of course been given the most lavish suite, an immense room outfitted in tasteless white and gold. Kylo Ren eyed the sparkling carpet. He had been here once or twice, just not in these quarters. They were far too large for one person, but then again, the people who checked in here usually didn’t stay alone for very long. The huge bed was unsubtle proof of that.

Everything was too bright. The lights from outside, the reflecting white and gold surfaces in the room, the spots on the ceiling. Kylo Ren found a control panel on the wall and tapped in a few commands. The windows faded to dark, molecules reassembling themselves to create a wall of black. He dimmed the spots. That was better.

There was still enough light for him to pace the unfamiliar room, impatient. He had sent those he deemed most loyal to gather information last night, but apparently it took a while to loosen people’s tongues enough.

_We can’t force them, Supreme Leader_ , Hux had said. _Those people, they know the leverage they have over us. And rightly so. The First Order does depend on doing business with them._ He hated to admit it, but Hux was right.  

So Kylo Ren waited. Again. Alone. In a dark and silent room.

He hadn’t tried to reach out, last week on his ship. Instead he had taken his light saber to the ship’s training ground and hacked away at holo-enemies for the better part of the night, numbing his mind. His _crave_. Until he was too exhausted for any coherent thought.

Two weeks, and he had not felt the Force Connection once. Why was it so hard to accept that it was gone? It had been a setup from the start, anyway. Snoke’s little trap.

But what he had shared with the girl, that had not been Snoke.

He had felt less alone then. More solid. A purpose. Her not-presence had been a powerful force, suddenly barging in, unannounced, but – if he was honest – never unwelcome.

“Rey” he said her name experimentally out loud, into the near darkness. And with that one syllable, the weight of his isolation crashed down on him.

Kylo Ren stopped in his tracks, standing in the middle of the large room. He was alone, so very very alone.

“Rey?” he asked again, louder. He hated it. He hated to admit this weakness. And he detested more not to be able to push it away any longer. Two weeks he had been the Supreme Leader, and never had he felt so utterly left alone.

Kylo Ren closed his eyes where he stood and willed the Force within him to find her.  
  
  
  
Finn almost spit his mouthful of blue milk across the table and right into Rey’s face. She ducked to the side, her ribs protesting from the laughter she couldn’t suppress. Finn, Rose and Rey shared a rare, relaxed moment. When had she last laughed so hard? It felt so _liberating_.

“I did _not_ do that, Rose!” Finn said in a mock-stern voice, but could not keep the grin off his face.

“Oh yes you did” the small woman sounded smug. “It trickled down riiiiight here” she said, letting her forefinger run from the corner of Finn’s mouth towards his chin.

“You actually salivated when you first saw the casino?” Rey asked, her voice shaking with suppressed laughter. “I can imagine that _so_ well right now!”

“Or maybe it was all those posh ladies with cleavages that end somewhere on the planet’s south pole?” Rose suggested, teasingly.

“Oh come on!” Finn interjected, “I had no time at all to look _that_ close. And anyway, I’m not Poe – “

The rest of Finn’s complaint was lost to Rey. She jerked upright, drawing in a sharp breath. There was a sudden but very distinct _tug_ on her mind. She could feel the Force behind it. Feeble, but unmistaken. And she had no doubt what it was.

“I, uh, I need to go check if our course is still right” she said, scrambling to her feet.

Finn and Rose both fell silent and gave her a puzzled look.

“Isn’t Chewbacca-“ Finn started but Rey was already half out of earshot.

She fled the small common room and made straight for her quarters. The door slid close behind her.

“Don’t!” she whispered into the empty room, squeezing her eyes shut. “Don’t do that! Stop it! It’s over!”

“Rey?” her name drifted through her head, in Kylo Ren’s dark, distinct voice.

“Shut up! Go away!” she said, barely keeping herself from yelling. “This is over. You know this is over”.

Rey cracked open one eye, looking around herself. She couldn’t see Kylo Ren, though. That was a small mercy.

“There you are!” she could hear a relieved smile in his voice. It irritated her.

“I don’t want to talk to you” Rey persisted, trying to turn her head away from his voice.

“Can you hear me properly?” he asked, genuine curiosity plain in his words. “Say ‘All hail the Supreme Leader’ if you can hear me”.

“What?” Rey opened both her eyes and blinked, dumbfounded. “ _No!_ I won’t say that!”.

“So you _can_ hear me”. He sounded smug.

Rey closed her eyes and took a deep breath. With all the calmness she could muster she concentrated to Force-push Kylo Ren out of her mind.

That made things worse. When Rey opened her eyes again, he stood in loose, black robes right in front of her.  
  
Kylo Ren felt no shame as he took his time to let his eyes roam over her. For him, she stood right in the middle of the overstuffed golden suite, though shrouded in the shadowy gloom he created earlier. Her eyes glistened in the dark, not leaving his face. Kylo Ren reached out with his left hand and tapped a panel on the wall, bringing the lights back on. He could now see that she wore a mix of her sand-colored scavenger outfit and loose grey and black stripes of fabric, all held together by an old utility belt she must have salvaged from some corner of the Falcon. Her eyes were wide. Not fearful, only angry and suspicious. She had spread her feet apart and one hand had had crept to the side of her hip, although he could see no weapon there.

Rey eventually squirmed under his gaze, averting her eyes. “Stop this now. You know we can’t do this” she said, her voice tense.

“Why not?” Kylo Ren asked and took a step forward. He grew impatient. Why was she refusing him like this? She hadn’t backed away from the Force Visions the first time.

Rey turned to look at him again. She gave him a pointed look. “Because we’re at war! If you think you can spy on the Resistance through me, know that this plan has been uncovered _right now._ Supreme Leader”. She spit out his title as though it tasted rotten and disgusting.

Kylo Ren clenched his fist. “Well, I’m not here to discuss battle tactics with you” he spat.

“Then why are you doing this?” she shot back. “Why bring the Force Connection back?”

Kylo Ren opened his mouth to fling a reply at her but realized he didn’t know what to say. _Because there is no-one here I can talk to?_

“There” Rey said smugly and crossed her arms, shifting her weight to her right foot. “You don’t even know, do you. So leave –“

And then she was gone. Simply disappeared in midsentence. Kylo Ren let out a breath. Tension he hadn’t realized he was holding flowed out of his body. He ran a hand through his hair, sinking down on the edge of the large bed. He took deep, deliberate breaths, willing himself to calmness that wouldn’t come.  
  
  
Rey sank crossed-legged to the floor. Sweat trickled down the sides of her face and she rubbed it away with the sleeves of her shirt. She took a few deep breaths. If she stayed here, alone, it would only make her wreck her brains how Kylo Ren had managed to bring back that bloody Force Connection – which would also probably bring him back. So she pushed herself up from the ground with and strode out of the small cabin and back to Rose and Finn.


	2. Ground Rules

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Ground rules” she told him, holding up one finger. Kylo Ren cocked his head at her but remained silent.  
> “First, we will not spy on the other. Deal?”

Endor reminded Rey a lot of Takodana, where Maz Kanata had set up her ‘castle’. Only, with a lot more trees. General Leia lead her small force of ten unerringly across fallen tree trunks and soft moss. The planet was indeed deserted, at least by enemy troops. In fact, no animal life seemed too eager to come close to the overgrown and rusty outpost. The large hangar door was wide open, and nature had begun to creep in timidly.

“Split up and see what you can find. Connix, Tico, you guard the entry”, the General ordered.

Together with the others, Rey ventured farther into the large, dark hall, lighting a bright torch while she took in her surroundings. She let the light roam over consoles, transport boxes and small, sleek speeders. Those were still functional, but useless to them for now. The boxes did indeed hold weapons, but most of them were rusted through and their power packs drained. The rebels’ beams ghosted over the equipment like large fireflies, and they had soon scattered.

Rey made for the western corner of the hangar. One of the large crates at the back of the room had caught her eye. It seemed filled to the rim with what looked like tech trash. Rey pushed the lid all the way open, took the torch between her teeth and carefully climbed right into the metal and wires. She tossed out what she deemed worthless, and put aside the parts that might still be useful, moving her head from side to side to shed the light where she needed it.

It was heavy work. The box held only small parts and in the darkness, she had to hold every piece up to her face to judge its worth. It didn’t take long until her neck and spine ached. She stood up, supressing a pained sigh and arched her back. That movement made the torch beam in her mouth skit across the opposite wall.

It revealed a silent, dark figure standing not fifteen feet away from her. Rey gasped and let the torch fall from between her lips. That, however, plunged her effectively into darkness. She scrambled for the fallen tool, retrieved it and shone the light to where the figure had been.

He lifted a hand to his eyes, seemingly blinded by the light.

“Where the kriff are you? I can see only half of you” Kylo Ren said, his voice echoed loudly.

“What are you doing here?” Rey whispered, climbing out of the crate. She grabbed her staff that she had leaned against its lid.

“That’s better” Kylo Ren said and strode over to where she stood next to the junk box. He narrowed his eyes. “It’s dark where you are”

“I’m _not_ going to tell you where I am” Rey answered, lowering the tip of her staff towards him. He wore his customary black outfit, complete with a cowl and gloves.  
The black-haired man shrugged. “I don’t need to know. We’ll find you soon enough anyway”.

“Oh? What makes you think that?” Rey shot back. “You know, the upside of a small ship is that it’s fast and it can hide effectively”.

Kylo Ren snorted. “Has Han told you of his stunts, then?”

That made Rey hesitate. “No” she said. “He didn’t. What do you mean?”

Kylo Ren rounded her slowly, studying her with hands behind his back, before answering. “He flew the Falcon into an asteroid field once, landing it inside a cave, on an asteroid”.

“He didn’t!” Rey said, not able to keep the incredulity out of her voice. The tip of her staff dropped towards the ground.

Kylo Ren shrugged. “I have no need to lie to you, do I”.

“That is awesome” Rey breathed. Navigating through any asteroid field was incredibly hard, not to mention _landing_ on one of the rocks. But she supposed the Falcon could do it, agile little fighter that it was.

“He told me that story three times” Kylo Ren continued. He had stopped pacing and regarded her, his gaze intense on her face, a hint of amusement glinting in his eyes. “He was very proud of it”.

The excitement of hearing about Han Solo’s master stunt fled from Rey as quickly as it had come. “And yet you killed him” she said flatly. Kylo Ren lowered his head, as if ashamed. It was a trick, though. She was sure of it.

“I wanted to tell you something” the young man said after the sudden silence had begun to grow uncomfortable. “The Force Connection. I thought about it. It worked again, on Crait. As it does now. After Snoke was dead. Do you remember? Perhaps it wasn’t Snoke after all”.

“Then what did bridge our minds?” Rey asked. She hadn’t really given it any thought. At first, because Snoke’s explanation made sense to her, disappointing as it was. And then because she didn’t want to summon the Visions up on her own. So she had pushed any musings away, hoping Kylo Ren wouldn’t be able to reach her again.

“The Force does!” Kylo Ren answered. There was genuine excitement in his voice. “Think about it! Snoke sensed it, of course. So he simply _used_ it, to his own ends”.

Rey cocked her head. “I don’t know … Maybe it simply remained, even after Snoke’s death. Maybe he couldn’t undo it”.

Kylo Ren regarded her, his eyes roaming over her face. “Do you sense anything dark in our Connection?” he asked her, his voice low.

Rey looked at the black-clad man for a moment, searching her emotions.

No. Just like the first times they had connected, when she was still on Ahch-To, there was not a trace of darkness in this bridge. It was pure Force, neither good, nor evil. It simply _was_. An energy open to the both of them, to use it at their will.

She shook her head slowly.

“Neither do I” Kylo Ren admitted. And then he was gone.  
  
  
Kylo Ren sat on a small table, head in his hands. Three glowing data pads lay open in front of him, and a dozen more were stacked around him in piles. Personnel statuses. Casualty reports. Intended weapon purchases. Training stats. Various briefings. Lists and texts and names. General Hux had waltzed in earlier in the afternoon and dumped them on his desk, telling him, as the new Supreme Leader, it was his honour and duty to oversee all of those things. Personally. And promptly.

Had Snoke _ever_ done that? Kylo Ren was sure he hadn’t. There were people for that, weren’t there? But Snoke had ruled supreme for _years_ , over the First Order, and that was before he had even found Ben Solo at Luke’s academy.

Supreme Leader Kylo Ren, however, had no idea how to command an entire fleet. He was good with small elites. His Knights of Ren, a squad of TIEs. He clenched his jaw. Hux was right, and that angered him. Still -  he was destined to _rule_ , not to read about sick leaves. He looked into people’s minds instead.

With an angry growl, Kylo Ren swept the pads off his desk. He leaned back in his chair, running both hands over his face, combing fingers through his hair. Then he reached out with the Force.

Rey stood with her back to him at first. She tensed, and he knew she had sensed him. But she didn’t turn around. Instead she said something in a low voice to someone in front of her, then quickly stepped away. Kylo Ren swivelled in his chair, following her path with her eyes. She wore a dirty overall, her hair tied back in a utilitarian, sloppy bun. He could hear a door hiss, then Rey turned and faced him.

Annoyance was clear in her eyes. “Stop that” she told him.

“What?” he shot back, leaning forward. Anger bubbled up inside of him.

“You can’t just barge in any time you feel like it! I have things to do. Don’t you?” she gestured around her, as if he could see how much work lay apparently strewn around her.

“Reports and stats!” Kylo Ren spat out heatedly. He got up, feeling too restless to remain in his chair.

Rey gave him a bewildered stare.  

“I don’t know what to do with these”. Kylo Ren threw his arms into the air. “They shouldn’t be my business, anyway”.

A bemused smile ghosted over her face, startling him. “So you come to me to _complain_ about _work_?” Rey stated. “We’re at war, remember? Don’t you have, I don’t know, staff that you can annoy?”

Kylo Ren crossed his arms over his chest and stared at her defiantly. “Don’t mock me, scavenger. I didn’t come to _complain_ , I just needed a distraction”.

“Of course” she replied, and for a moment he didn’t know if she was serious or not. “Listen, I have a shuttle-load of work to do, so I will end this now. I suggest you start on those stats and lists, or whatever it is, and stop pestering me.”

But Rey didn’t cut the connection. Instead, she hesitated, lingered, as if she wanted to say something more.

Kylo Ren took a step forward, searching her eyes. “What?” he said softly, suddenly desperate to keep up the Connection a bit longer.

Rey returned his look, her expression thoughtful. “You have … a million people around you. All loyal to you, all working for you, _with_ you. And you come to me to complain about too many data pads”. Her voice was soft. It was a reprimand, but it didn’t sound like one. And then she was gone.  
  
  


“Concentrate on the planets of the Outer Rim”, Kylo Ren said to his assembled officers. The large table in his suite doubled once more as a meeting room. Three days – and more importantly: nights – had yielded some shreds of information about the Falcon and the Resistance here and there, though no solid lead. Someone had heard they had gone to Ahch-To to reassemble, using Luke Skywalker’s effective hideout as their own. A different opinion was that they would fuel up and then stage one last, desperate suicide-attack, right here on Canto Bight. Others suggested they’d skim the Outer Rim to look for more allies first.

“The Resistance’s communication that went out from Crait was for the Outer Rim. We go with that lead, for now. In the very least, we might be able to rat out those who _think_ about sympathising with my mother and the girl in the process. Dismissed”. Kylo Ren stood up, nodding to the salutes he received. He watched as his officers filed silently out of the door. They hadn’t questioned him today, or wore scepticism on their faces. Did that mean they trusted his judgement, or had they instead realized it was better to hide their true feelings from him?

The sun was rising late over Canto Bight. On the ground level, people clad in white swarmed out to fuel and check the ships that were parked right beneath his windows. Kylo Ren let out a satisfied sigh. At least he could finally leave that petty place now.    


An hour later, the small transport vessel hovered into the shuttle bay of his command ship. Kylo Ren waited impatiently for the gangway to descend, then strode down it and made straight for the bridge. General Hux followed him.

“I want every ship we have to scan the Rim” he said, not bothering to sit down in the chair. “Collect the data we have of the inhabited planets and send it to my quarters. General Hux, you have the command”.

 _‘Yes, Sir’s_ were murmured across the room. Hux nodded and sat down in the central chair, giving orders of his own. Kylo Ren studied him from the corner of his eyes before he left the immense bridge. He still didn’t fully trust the man. He was ambitious. And sneaky. And Kylo Ren never knew what he hid beneath that mask of his.

The doors to his personal quarters hissed open and the first thing Kylo Ren saw was Rey sitting on the corner of his desk.

“I can hear engines” she said, listening intently. A slow grin crawled over her face. “I know those engines. You’re on Snoke’s ship” she said, turning back to him. “Well, I suppose it’s your ship now”.

Kylo Ren leaned back against the closed door. He folded his arms. “I thought you didn’t want to connect through the Force”.

Rey lifted one shoulder. “Might as well use it to spy on you”. She said lightly.

Kylo Ren looked at her sceptically. “You changed your mind quickly. Did you tell my mother?”

Rey flickered her eyes back to his, but only for an instant. “Well, no. Yes” she said. “I told her _everything_ about the first Visions”. There was a hint of defiance in her voice. And of lies.

“But not that they started again” Kylo Ren stated. It wasn’t even a question.

Rey didn’t reply. She let her fingertips glide over his desktop. “I can feel a smooth surface” she said. “And it’s warm in here. Warmer than where I am. I can feel that”.

Kylo Ren observed her silently for a while, his back against the door. She looked around herself as if she willed to see where he was. Could she? He reached out and took a small data stick from the edge of his desk. Then he threw it at Rey without warning.

“Hey!” she protested, flinching. “What did you do? Did you just throw something at me?”

He shrugged, and was surprised to find a smile tugging at the corners of his mouth. “You shot me with a blaster”.

“Is that your revenge?” Rey said flatly and hopped to her feet. She held out her right arm and suddenly, her staff appeared in her hand. She widened her stance and before Kylo Ren had any chance to jump out of the way, she brought the end of it down against his knees. He winced.

“Did you feel that?” Rey asked. Kylo Ren shot her dark a look. Then he took the light saber from his belt and ignited it.

Rey took a step back, holding up her staff. The muscles in her jaw clenched, and he could see that that she was ready for the fight.

Kylo Ren sighed. “Relax. I just want to test something”. He lowered the light saber down in front of him slowly. “Hold out your staff” he commanded and she did. The jagged red blade touched the metal of Rey’s weapon. He applied pressure, but it didn’t slice through as it would have, had they both been in the same room.

Kylo Ren switched off the blade. “Interesting” he mused.

Rey studied the spot where Kylo Ren’s weapon had touched hers. “There’s no trace … ” she murmured to herself. Then she looked up to him, her features suddenly angry, “What are we doing? What are _you_ doing? We can’t do this. I shouldn’t have-“ she said, turning away from him.  
  
Rey turned her back to Kylo Ren, facing the wall of the small, deserted mess hall. In the Falcon’s chosen time-zone it was in the middle of the night, and everyone was asleep. Well, everyone except her. She was just about to sever the Connection when she felt his fingers close around her wrist. Clad in thick leather gloves, the touch was cold. Impersonal. Nothing like when he had taken them off to touch her fingertips … She shook herself and turned around again.

That pleading look. This craving in those dark, impressive eyes.

“Don’t go just yet. Please” Kylo Ren said. He swallowed visibly.

Ben. Was he really there, seemingly lurking just beneath the surface of Supreme Leader Kylo Ren? That wide-eyed young man whose future she had seen. Bright, and good. Content. And something else … She pushed that thought away. Not now. Not here.

Rey withdrew her arm and he let go. She eyed him silently for a while. His expression hid nothing from her. It couldn’t, not a face like that. She understood why he had worn a mask, why Snoke claimed to be able to see right through him.

“Ground rules” she told him, holding up one finger. Kylo Ren cocked his head at her but remained silent.

“First, we will not spy on the other. Deal?”

Kylo Ren nodded without hesitation. “Deal”.

“Second, we will not harm the other, with the Force or otherwise, during the Connection”.

Kylo Ren nodded again, crossing his arms on his chest.

“Third, we will not, uhm, look when the other is …in an indecent situation”. Rey clenched her jaw.

Kylo Ren didn’t nod to that. Instead he lifted his eyebrows. “You mean you don’t want to see me shirtless? Again?” he said, genuine amusement in his voice.

“Ben!” she chided him, and his face fell.

He seemed to contemplate her for a while, all delight gone from his features. There was a sadness in his eyes, suddenly. He unfolded his arms. “If you think you need to call me by that name, do it. It doesn’t change who I am” he finally said, his voice flat. Then he vanished.  
  
  
Kylo Ren stood at the helm of the bridge, feet apart, hands behind his back and contemplated the view. Behind the bridge’s window-screen, the Outer Rim planets scattered across the vast, black expanse of space like forlorn beads of a necklace ripped apart. And behind them: nothing. They had reached the end of their galaxy. Here, you could easily see that the border was close.

“Show me a map of the charted planets” he told the woman sitting at a console to his left. She brought up a three-dimensional hologram in front of him. Kylo Ren stepped into it, slowly rotating around his own axis.

“Tell me, what is the status of Bastatha, General Hux?” he asked, fixing his officer through the glowing dots of the star chart.

The General grimaced. “I … I believe it’s still in the hand of the syndicate, Supreme Leader?”

“More or less” Kylo Ren said levelly. “The First Order had started to invest in the syndicate a while ago. When it started to crumble, we saw our chance for a … mutual benefit. In other words, our ships will be welcome there. Set a course for the planet’s orbit” he ordered.

“Aye, Sir” one of the navigators confirmed. Kylo Ren walked back to the command chair that Hux promptly vacated. The black-haired man lowered himself into it.

Three days through hyperspace had left him slightly lightheaded, and he was glad to be sitting down again. Kylo Ren wrecked his brains what else he had read about Bastatha. Hadn’t his mother been there once? It was no matter. As long as the syndicate still understood who their sponsors were. He needed their resources to get more information. And with luck, the hunt for the rebel scum would be over very soon.

And then?

Ben pushed away the urge to run his hands across his face. For the last three days he had immersed himself in data pads – even those with the dreaded stats – to occupy his mind. He had read about the Outer Rim, trying to deduct where the Resistance fighters might have fled to. _If_ they had been headed to this part of the galaxy. Did Rey know of this place? Jakku wasn’t too far away. What did she know about all these different worlds and species? Kylo Ren remembered their second Force Vision. Water on her face. She had stood out in the rain, and she had marvelled at feeling the free, wild water running down her face. Something Jakku had never seen in her time on the planet. He had felt it, too. Had felt the drops – and her innocent joy.

He pushed himself out of the chair. “How long until we arrive?” he asked.

General Hux answered. “Three hours, Sir. Or should be jump to hyperspace?”

Kylo Ren shook his head. “No. Let them see the First Order approach”.  
  
  


“What time-zone does the Falcon go by?” Kylo Ren asked her.

Rey stood across from him in his quarters, a low table between the two of them. She had her arms crossed, a defensive gesture. She eyed him warily, but stayed silent. She looked exhausted, somehow. As if she lacked sleep. He threw his hands in the air at her persisting silence, taking two steps towards her.

“Our ships go by Core System time plus three hours. Why am I asking this? Because I have no desire to be woken up in the middle of the night by a Force Vision of you!”

Rey’s gaze softened a bit. She pinched the bridge of her nose, squeezing her eyes shut. “Core System time plus two” she said, sounding tired.

“That means it’s just in the afternoon on the Falcon. Have you been sleeping?”

Rey huffed a humourless laugh. “I wish” she mumbled, rubbing over her eyes with the back of her hand.

He furrowed his brows. “You know, my father used to keep this stash of pills under his seat …”

Rey looked up at him, a perplexed look on her face. “Are you worried about me?”.

Taken off guard, Kylo Ren clenched his jaws and turned away from her. “I want you rested and at your best when we next face off. Otherwise it’d be no fun”.

She regarded him silently, contemplation in her red-rimmed eyes. Her unbound hair fell around her shoulders.

“Ben?” she finally said, her voice quiet.

That single, _dreaded_ word; loud and heavy.

Kylo Ren took a ragged breath. His hands had formed into fists, he could feel sweat collecting inside his gloves. Why was she so fixated on this name? It was just a name. He hadn’t even chosen it.

“Fine” he said.

Rey slowly uncrossed her arms and let them fall to her side. “No lashing out this time?”

He shrugged with a nonchalance he didn’t feel. “I told you, it’s just a name. It’s nothing”.

“But not to me” she replied. There was innocence and earnestness in her voice, her eyes. “Kylo Ren is a monster in a mask. You don’t wear that anymore”.

“Yet the man under that mask remains the same, Rey”, Kylo Ren answered softly.

“Does he? Ben, we’re supposed to kill each other. Do you realize this? You are supposed to track us, eliminate us. And we _will_ continue to oppose the First Order. Instead we chat about time zones and not waking the other up?”.

“The Force connects us. Why should we defy that?”

“If I stood before you, for real. This very moment. What would you do, Ben? Would you take the chance? You know what happened to my light saber. I’d be defenceless before you.”

Kylo Ren studied her wearied face. Rey’s hazel-green eyes were red-rimmed and glazed over by fatigue. But, stars, there was so much honesty and innocence and hope in them.

Kylo Ren took a breath. “I won’t put you at a disadvantage, I promise”.

  
  


Finn handed her another piece of metal that bristled with wires.

“Okay, I give up”. He sighed and Rey took it from him. The two sat in the middle of the floor in one of the ships’ cargo bays, their loot from Endor strewn around them in a circle.

Rey rotated the piece Finn had given her slowly in one hand, bending some wires to the side. “I think this belonged to a droid once… Very old model, they don’t build them like that anymore. Here- ” she tossed it back to Finn. “The thing itself is worthless, but those wires hold some precious metals”.

Finn leaned back, reaching behind himself for the toolbox. “How do you know so much about this stuff? I mean, no offence, but you were an orphan on a desert planet … “.

Rey shrugged. “Lucky timing, I guess. Unkar Plutt desperately needed a few more hands; kids that could fit in small spaces. He knew if he didn’t teach me about the work I was supposed to do, his investment wouldn’t pay off”.

Finn huffed. “Investment. More like slave … “

“Better than dying” Rey countered.

Finn began to attack the thing with pliers while Rey continued to sort through what they had brought back from Endor. Although Leia’s plan to use old tech to stay undetected had sounded good, it had turned out that what the Empire had left on the forest planet was _too_ old. Most of the bigger pieces had rusted through without hopes of saving. However, some of the smaller parts still had good chips or metals that could be worth something.

Rey reached out to her left to pick up a large, broken blaster. When she settled back down opposite to Finn, two heavy, black boots appeared right beside her knee. Rey nearly jumped out of her skin, just so suppressing a yelp. Finn looked up and raised a questioning eyebrow.

“Just cut my finger” she said quickly.

From the corner of her eyes, she glanced at Ben’s boots, and then at Finn. Her friend was completely oblivious to the new Supreme Leader standing right in front of him. A rustle of clothing and Ben crouched down beside her. Rey quickly let go of the weapon. If she didn’t hold it, he wouldn’t be able to see it.

“Can we not do this right now?” she whispered under her breath, twisting away from Finn and pretending to sort through another pile of junk.

“No? Why not?”. Ben asked curiously.

“None of your business” she hissed

“Rey?” Finn asked. “Everything okay?”

“I think I’ll better see a medical droid” Rey said and got up, pointedly not looking at Ben as she strode past him. Ben fell into step beside her, his hands behind his back, his eyes on her face.

“You weren’t alone just now, were you? The little traitor? I wonder what he would say if he knew”.

“We said no spying” she reminded him, avoiding his eyes as she made her way through the large cargo bay.

“Did you say something?” Finn called after her.

Rey cursed under her breath, which prompted a raised eyebrow from Ben.

“I just remembered something I had to do” she called back over her shoulder and hastened to the door.

When it hissed closed behind her she rounded on the black-clad man. “I can’t do this right now, Ben. Please”.

Ben inclined his head and then vanished.

Rey blinked in surprise and looked around her. She hadn’t really expected him to simply … heed her wish. Shaking her head, she made her way back to the cargo hold, Finn and the tons of junk they still had to sort through.

“That was quick” the young man greeted her.

Rey shrugged as she settled back down in her spot. “Bleeding stopped.”

Finn gave her a cryptic look and Rey averted her eyes. “Come on. Time is not on our side in this”.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Poor Kylo Ren. Being Supreme Leader sucks a lot, it seems.
> 
> Also, I misplaced Bastatha. I was so sure it was in the Outer Rim and didn't double-check - turns out it isn't -,-. I'm really sorry about that. For the sake of the story, humor me please.


	3. Sparring

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Let go of the past, Rey. Let it die. The old generations are gone. This is our time, now. Our galaxy. Our rules”.

 

“I don’t – “ Kylo Ren started, but instead heaved an annoyed sigh, closing his eyes. “You can hold your own. I’ve seen it. Twice. Besting Snoke’s guards, even with a light saber – you don’t need any training from me”.

They stood facing each other, roughly ten feet apart. Rey wore a simple, white shirt and pants, spread-legged, with her old staff held up in front of her with both hands. Kylo Ren had shed his layers of thick black clothes, instead opting for loose shirt and trousers. He held a training saber in his right hand.

“Then why did you ask me to spar?”. Rey had narrowed her eyes – yet she had apparently still heeded his request to find a large, open room and bring her weapon.

“Because there’s no-one here I can train with” Kylo Ren admitted.

Rey cocked her head, raising an eyebrow.

“No-one worthy, anyway” he admitted which prompted a smug smile from Rey.

“Then defend yourself, Supreme Leader!” she yelled and without warning, charged him.

Kylo Ren brought up his training saber, a short metal sword that roughly resembled his proper light saber, including the crossguard. The weapon’s balance, however, was horrible. You couldn’t mimic the _feeling_ of a light saber. Its weight, the kyber crystal‘s soft humming. He did deflect Rey’s blow, but barely so. Kylo Ren cursed and took two large steps forward. The girl blocked, but he had more strength and drove her backwards. He shoved her up against an invisible wall eventually that told him they had reached the confines of the room Rey was in. Rey rolled to the side, jumping away from him. She brought distance between them, using her longer-range staff to keep him at bay. Her next attack was swift and precise. She kept herself out of his range, instead driving home a sequence of small, mean hits, on his upper arm, his right hand, his left knee.

Kylo Ren growled and simply tossed away his metal saber. Within two seconds, his real light saber flew into his hand. He ignited it, the familiar red glow washing over his hands and face. He swung at Rey, making her dance back.

“Hey! That isn’t fair!” she cried but continued to defend herself.

“What’s unfair about this?” Kylo Ren hissed through clenched teeth as he swung his weapon at the girl in rapid succession. She blocked three of his attacks, but the fourth one hit home on her shoulder. Rey flinched away, glancing at the place it had hit. Other than a small, red mark, she was unharmed. Through their Force Connection, his light saber did drive home hits, but could not physically affect Rey or her weapon.

Rey’s counter was swift and angry. She didn’t even refrain from stabbing him.

They danced around each other for the better part of an hour, hitting and blocking in almost equal measures. Drops of sweat ran down Kylo Ren’s face first, then sprayed out from the tips of his damp hair. Stars, but this felt _good!_ He showed Rey a toothy grin which was mirrored by one of her own.

And, for a little while, they simply fought. And perhaps just this once, without the burden of needing the victory.

“Imagine what we could do _together_ ” Kylo Ren breathed between two of Rey’s hits.

“Oh, but I do” she answered, equally out of breath. Yet she didn’t relent.

He swung the light saber in a wide arch over his head, Rey raising her staff to meet the forceful blow. It made her slide back and nearly lose her footing. Kylo Ren used the momentum he had to bring the saber back up in a straight line, grazing her left side. Rey winced, and he knew this one had hurt. But she simply danced away from him, a smile on her lips. Rey enjoyed this as much as he did.

“Talent and power like ours, combined – we’d be unstoppable. Invincible!” Kylo Ren panted, nearly out of breath.

“To do what, Supreme Leader?” Rey huffed.

“To _rule_!” he yelled, light saber held over his head in both hands. He jumped and as he crashed back down on the floor, he brought the weapon down on her with such a force that he knocked Rey’s staff out of her hands. It vanished immediately.

“Join me, Rey. _Please_ ”. He held out a gloved hand to her, his chest heaving, sweat in his eyes. The adrenaline that raged like a wildfire in his system made him feel heady. 

Rey didn’t pick up her weapon again. She dragged her wrist over her sweaty forehead and tucked a strand of loose, wet hair back behind her ear.

When she spoke, she didn’t sound angry, like last time. Only … sad? “Wow. Everything in that sentence was wrong”.

Kylo Ren let out a long breath and fought down a wave of annoyance. Quoting back Luke Skywalker at him, hu? _That_ was cheating. He curled his still outstretched hand into a fist and drew it back.

Rey took a step forward. “Why won’t you join us, Ben? Join _me_?”. She held out her own hand to him, palm up. It was calloused and red from their fighting. “Don’t tell me you have never considered it. Because I’ve seen it, in you. The Light”.

Kylo Ren clenched his jaws, his eyes on her offered hand. “That moment is gone, scavenger” he said softly.

“No it’s not” Rey replied. She took another step towards him, hand still held out in mid-air. Her eyes never left his face, so earnest and so hopeful. “We wouldn’t be here, connected by the Force, if there was truly no Light left in you, Ben Solo”. He could see the tension in her body.

Kylo Ren lifted his eyes to her face, studying her sweaty, flushed expression. “Or perhaps it’s the Darkness that is left in _you_ ” he suggested. He pulled off his right glove. He let his palm hover over hers, a small surge of anxiety suddenly washing over him. If he touched her, would there be another Force Vision? A glimpsed future that had confused him so profoundly save for one aspect.

Rey.

Then he placed his hand lightly on top of hers, his fingertips touching the skin of her wrist. But he could neither feel the texture of her skin, nor her body heat. It was an incomplete, almost frustrating experience. And yet, because the Force flowed between them, tangible like a river, it was also _more_ than a simple touch.

Rey drew in a sharp breath, as if she, too, expected them to share another Vision. But nothing happened. She swallowed visibly and then seemed to mentally square her shoulders, as if bracing herself for something. Was she afraid of him? Of their touch? Kylo Ren shook his head in a minute gesture. He closed his hand around hers, as if in a handshake.

“Let go of the past, Rey. Let it die. The old generations are gone. This is our time, now. Our galaxy. Our rules”.

Something flickered in Rey’s eyes, but Kylo Ren couldn’t quite place it. Doubt? Hope? They still stood at arms’ length, so formally attached by a handshake that missed so many sensations. Kylo Ren pulled experimentally, and instead of simply letting go, Rey let herself be drawn closer so him.

“You’re right, Ben” she said softly. “This is _our_ time. We can make this right, you and me. No more fighting, no more killing. What is the _point_ of this war?” Her voice had gone hoarse. 

With his teeth he unceremoniously pulled off his other glove. The lacking completion of their touch frustrated him. Why couldn’t he feel the warmth of her skin? Her pulse? He slid his thumb over the spot on Rey’s shoulder where he had first hit her with his light saber. She didn’t flinch back this time. Instead she reached out to his face-  
    


 

“Rey? What are you doing?” Finn’s voice echoed through the empty cargo hold and Rey whirled around to face him. Her right hand was still in Ben’s, the fingers of her other hand inches from the scar on his face. She didn’t realize she was holding her breath. A jolt went through her when for a second, she was certain Finn must have seen Ben.

“Training” Rey answered him, her voice pitched too high. She let go of Ben and stepped back, picking up her staff again.

“Dance training?” Finn answered her, scepticism in his voice. “Because that didn’t look like any stances I’ve ever come by”. He had crossed his arms and shifted his weight to his right foot.

“My own invention. I had a lot of time on Jakku” Rey answered, her words clipped. She walked past Finn, not giving Ben another glance. But she could feel the other man’s eyes on her back. “I’m sorry” she whispered under her breath and hoped the Force Connection would somehow convey them to Ben.  
    


 

Yet another forest. Rey let her eyes travel up the enormous trunks as she, Finn and Poe hurried through the planet’s perpetual twilight towards the distant, multi-coloured lights of the large trade outpost. She drew the hood on her thick cloak up around her freezing ears. This planet was too far from the sun to ever see a full, bright day – and to ever sprout flora as large as Endor’s trees. Rey didn’t know what had caused this phenomenon, but the ‘forest’ they marched through was entirely made up of stalagmites. Thousands of them. And they looked like the trunks of stone-trees, stretching away into the darkness. It was a spectacular sight – every new planet, every new flora and fauna was, to Rey, a new discovery to take her breath away.

She twisted to take a look back, not slowing her steps. The Millennium Falcon was no longer visible. They had parked the ship well outside the trade outpost. Even if the planets in the Outer Rim were generally leaning towards the Resistance and kept a very wary eye on the Empire and First Order, it was the wiser choice not to land this particularly well-known ship right in their lap.

Rey hefted her heavy backpack, transferring its weight to her other shoulder. What the team had salvaged from Endor hadn’t been enough to use as it was. But apparently, there were enough precious metals in it to be a trading bargain.

_If we can’t build it, we trade for it_ , Leia had told them.

Finn and Poe had gotten the larger share of their tech junk, both of them sporting enormous sacks that made them look like misshapen, meaty figures.  
      
The outpost was basically one large, open market around which huts and bunkers had sprung up. Or perhaps it had been the other way round. Nothing in this place looked as though it had ever been planned by anyone. And all of it looked like it was held together solely by thin wires and prayers. In a way, the place reminded Rey of Jakku, except that it was far busier here. Neon-signs and holograms practically polluted every corner of the construct, and if Rey had once thought she had seen the galaxy’s most exotic species at Maz Kanata’s, she was now taught better.

Poe had taken the lead, staring down at a map pad in his hand. With a blinking red dot, Leia had marked the trader’s place she had picked for them to visit. The company had been handed down for thirty generations, the General had explained, so she had hope that it was still up and running – even if she herself had last been there more than ten years ago.

The three of them had to duck down and almost crawl on their knees to enter the trader’s shop. Rey took down her backpack and shoved it in in front of her, with Finn making up the rear end.

The inside was as tiny as the entrance had suggested. Cramped together, the three of them sat on their haunches, Finn’s head grazing the ceiling. In front of them was a crude counter, cobbled together from various metal plates. Painted directly on the walls where lists in various languages. Rey could read only one of them: it advertised the wares this trader specialized in.

A door opened behind the counter and a wizened Toydarian woman buzzed in. Her wings reached from one wall to the other, but she never touched them. She regarded the three of them levelly down the length of her shrivelled snout.

“What do you want?” the small woman said, sounding less than enthusiastic.

Poe produced his brilliant, disarming grin. “Do you have somewhere … bigger? We have _lots_ of stuff”.  


  
“That wasn’t bad, was it? Unkar Plutt would’ve had haggled his nose off. She was actually quite nice. And generous.” Rey panted as she and the two men hurried away from the outpost again.

Poe gave her a bemused look. “Next time I let you do the talking. I thought that one was tough as BB-8’s belly”.

Their backpacks had by no means become lighter. But instead of carrying torn-up console parts, they now had fully functioning blasters, long-range communication devices, various power packs and a comforting stack of cash. It was a solid start to get back on their feet. With baby steps, but still.

The Falcon’s boarding ramp lowered as they approached through the freezing twilight. People hurried towards them, relieving the three of their burdens. She felt lighter now, not only because she no longer had to carry heavy weapons around. They were making progress. Leia’s plans really worked. They _could_ get the Resistance up and running again. Step by step, but eventually.

Leia waited for them on top of the boarding ramp. Rey halted in her tracks as she saw the troubled look on the General’s face.

“You three, join me on the bridge, please” Leia told them, her voice tense.  


  
The General, Finn, Poe and Rey stood in the Falcon’s cockpit dashboard. On a small radar screen was a single, pulsing dot. It also beeped.

“You’re sure? It could be any ship” Poe asked. He chewed on his lower lip.

Leia shook her head. “I am. The readings check out. It’s the First Order”

“Did they find us yet?” Rey asked, leaning forward.

“If they had, we’d be stardust by now” Finn answered her. His voice was dark.

“Then we should _really_ get away from here” Poe suggested. “We have what we came for, after all”

The General heaved a frustrated sigh. “What we came for _here,_ yes. But what about intel? The other trade outposts?” she growled. “I thought we had more _time”_. Leia banged a fist softly against the doorframe in which she leaned.

“The Falcon is still one of the best ships in the galaxy. I can get us away from here” Rey offered. “If we lose them now, we can later circle back. I’m _not_ backing down”.

“And if we don’t – we’re history” Poe grimaced. “ _Damn_ ”

Finn glanced sideways at Rey. He wet his lips, and Rey could feel there was something on the tip of his tongue. She looked at him squarely, but he turned his eyes away from her and the moment was gone.  
    


 

 “Eighty-nine percent certainty, sir” General Hux said, pride unmistakable in his voice. “It’s the Millennium Falcon”. He stood before Kylo Ren, beaming like a child who had just won a medal. The Supreme Leader paced from one console to the other, hands clasped behind his back.

“Set a direct course. Three ships. We’re _not_ stumbling into another trap of theirs” he barked.

“When we find them, shall we destroy them?” Hux asked, the excitement barely hidden.

Kylo Ren hesitated for a split-second. “Yes” he said. His voice hadn’t even wavered very much.  
    


 

General Leia had one elbow propped up on the Dejarik game table, her chin in her hand, her fingers covering her lips. The lines on her face seemed deeper by the artificial light. For over a minute now, she had simply studied Rey with a concentrated but sad expression.

Eventually, the General heaved a sigh, her word held barely suppressed anger. “Why didn’t you tell me?”. Rey opened her mouth, but Leia held up her hand, letting the words die in her throat. “I know why you couldn’t tell all of them” the General continued. “But _me_ , Rey.”

“You said he was too far gone” Rey retorted, hearing the childish defiance in her words, even as she said them.

“That isn’t even the point!”, the General barked back, her composed mask gone. “When you decided to join this Resistance, you gave up on certain privileges. As we _all_ did. In your case, that means _private conversations with my son_!”. The General slammed her hand on the table.

“What if I can still turn him?” Rey interjected.

“No. That chance has passed” General Organa replied, her voice dark with regret. “How many times, do you think, have _I_ been there? How many times have I _excused_ my son’s murders? Even after he had started to kill people by the dozens, I have still believed. You think I’m being unfair, Rey? I gave up my husband and my child to our cause”.

Rey lowered her eyes. She did understand the General. Yet her words warred with what she had seen of Ben Solo. When was the last time Leia had really _seen_ her son, not just heard reports? His vulnerability, his eagerness, his excitement. His face that could never truly hide what he felt.

“You realize that you held back one _major_ asset for our cause? Perhaps even the most valuable one: A window to the enemy” The General continued, leaning forward.

“It doesn’t work like that. I can only see Ben. I can’t see his surroundings – nor can he see mine” Rey added the last part hastily. A defence that felt like a single drop of water on Jakku’s parched desert.

“Not to speak of the immense security threat _you_ pose”. The General continued.

Rey let her shoulders slump and lowered her eyes. She felt exposed, naked. The Force Connection had been something private between Ben and her. Removed from her daily, rough reality. The General made it into something tainted. As if the lives of all their remaining forty-seven rebels seemed to tether by this one thread alone. Had she truly thrown _everything_ into jeopardy? Rey mentally went through her Visions with Ben, trying to recall the exact words they had exchanged. She _had_ taken care not to give any hints away about their locations or mission.

Leia got up, the movement snapped Rey out of her thoughts. The General placed her hands on the table and leaned forward, thus effectively looming over the sitting Rey. Her face was stern. When she spoke, Rey knew that these were the words of General Organa, Leader of the Resistance – not Leia, mother of Ben Solo: “Here is how this goes. I believe that the benefits of this Force Connection to the enemy outweigh the risks. And that is me cutting you a lot of slack, Rey. So you will use this from now on to get as much information out of the Supreme Leader as you can. Understood?”

Rey nodded, her eyes lowered on the table. “Yes sir” she murmured, and the General pushed herself up.

“Good. And don’t blame Finn for telling me. He did something you should have done _weeks_ ago. Find Connix, and go through those last Force Visions with her, write a report. Of _everything_. Maybe we can tease something out of them after all”. And with that, the General stalked away.

    


 

He held her by her wrist, but this time, she strained against his grip.

“Why not?” Kylo Ren asked, irritated.

“Because I have stuff to do” Rey replied, her voice terse. She looked so tired. She tugged her arm lose from his hand and he let go.

“No” Kylo Ren said, taking a step forward to close the distance between them that she had just created. “It’s something else. What is it?”

Rey sighed heavily in frustration. “I can’t tell you, Ben. We’ve talked about that”.

Kylo Ren narrowed his eyes. “You haven’t slept again”

Rey rolled his eyes at him. “It’s none of your business”.

“Is it because of me?” he pressed her, reaching for her hand again. The touch through the Force Connection was still frustratingly incomplete. Like a voice you could _almost_ hear, a flavour you could _almost_ taste. But never quite. He could not explain why it bothered him so.

Rey no longer strained against his grip. She turned around to face him, her eyes glassy with fatigue. A half-smile tugged on one corner of her mouth. “You flatter yourself, Supreme Leader” she said softly. Without warning Rey reached out and let her forefinger trail against his scar, from his forehead down to his cheek. She winced in sympathy. “I never meant to cut your face in half. Just to kill you”.

Kylo Ren fought down a sudden urge to simply grab her, hold her against himself, as close as he could. He shook his head in irritation until the moment had passed. Where had that come from? He swallowed hard. “It doesn’t hurt” he managed weakly. Behind him, a com signal beeped on the console in his quarters. It was probably Hux from the bridge, updating him on their status to trace the Falcon.

“Get some sleep” he told Rey. Then he cut the connection.

  
Hux brought up the map to the large screen that spanned the bridge’s front. It showed the position of the three ships they had brought, as well as several planets in the vicinity. Dotted lines marked charted courses – and one red dot, pulsing in the upper right corner on a planet’s surface, was the Millennium Falcon.

“There. With three ships, we can easily corner them”. The red-haired General pointed a gloved finger at the dot. “That planet houses one tiny Outpost, no defence systems to speak of. Besides, they probably wouldn’t dare fire on us, not for of a handful of refugees”.

Kylo Ren stood beside the General, along with the holograms of the commanders of the other two ships. No-one had dared to ask why he wore his mask again. No-one would. His light saber rode on his hip, visible to everyone on the bridge. His grip on the officers had gradually strengthened, and the fact that the dreaded Falcon was indeed in the Outer Rim had probably played a large part for them to truly accept him as an able leader. The mask was a simple reminder of the powerful man who commanded them.

Underneath the protection of his mask, the Supreme Leader closed his eyes and ground his teeth. Sweat had long since formed on his brow, he could feel it running down his temples. A disgusting sensation, in the stifling confines of the helmet. He could not let them see his face, for he knew what it would give away.

His voice rang with the familiar metallic sound: “Rat them out. Let the Outpost know that we have no grievance against them, but do let them see how we deal with rebel scum”. Kylo Ren turned on his heels, striding towards the exit. It took all the mental strength he could muster not to break into a run. When the door hissed shut behind him, he hastened towards his quarters.  
    


 

“The planet’s atmosphere cloaks us- “ Rose started, gesticulating towards the Falcon’s ceiling – or rather towards the atmosphere above it.

“ _Somewhat_ ” Poe countered.

“If we stay here, we’ll be an easy target. If we fly, I can perhaps outmanoeuvre them” Rey suggested and strode past Finn, Rose, Poe and Leia towards the Falcon’s cockpit.

“Even if they hadn’t spotted us down here, they will find us if we leave the planet” Finn argued. He avoided Rey’s eyes. They hadn’t spoken since Leia’s rant the night before. She wasn’t even truly angry with him. Only disappointed. She understood Finn’s position when it came to Kylo Ren and the First Order. But why had he not come to her first? Well, that was exactly what Leia had asked _her,_ too, wasn’t it?

Chewbacca had already taken his old spot, turned in his seat towards the group. He gargled impatiently and gestured for Rey to take the seat next to him. “See?” she said and pointed towards the Wookie.

“Chewbacca doesn’t have the last say in this” the General said. She had her arms crossed and a terse air about her. “But all right. We fly” she finally ceded and both Rey and Poe let out a collective breath.

Rey swung into the pilot’s seat and fired up the ship’s engines.  
  
The Millennium Falcon breached the planet’s atmosphere at a steep angle.

“Three Destroyers on the other side!” Rose’s voice cackled through Rey’s headset. They had rounded the planet close to its surface and emerged into space on the exact opposite to where the Trader Outpost was located. The planet had no other civilization, and Finn had guessed correctly that the First Order’s arrogance would prevent them to think outside the box. However, that little trick didn’t buy them much time.

“They’ve seen us! _Kriff_ ” Rose swore through the commlink.

“Punch it, Chewie” Rey nodded to the Wookie next to her and he turned the Falcon around. “Their Destroyers can’t manoeuvre quickly, and we _can_ take a couple of TIEs”.

“Damn right we can!” Poe chimed in. Manning the laser canon, he sounded far too cheerful.

Rey hit a couple of buttons and switches and started to zig-zag towards the three First Order ships. The triangular Destroyers headed straight towards them at a formation, the striking command ship at the front.

_Ben is on this ship._

The thought hit her like cold water, making her momentarily freeze. Chewbacca gargled at her questioningly, snapping her focus back to the Falcon’s course.

They had debated jumping straight to hyperspace. But both Poe and the General had opted to tease the First Order into releasing their TIE fighters. They, too, would know that three lumbering Destroyers had little chance against the Falcon’s agility. Their only two chances would be either the board cannons, or to release smaller fighters. And Rey wasn’t planning to get close enough for their cannons to deal any damage.

The three large ships had obviously planned to corner them, had they tried to lift off the planet straight from the Trader Outpost. Now they had to turn around to adjust to the Falcon’s ploy. Big and unwieldy as they were, they were still impressive – and deadly.

The Falcon beelined erratically among the three ships at full speed, dipping in and out of their range, teasing them to shoot and odd angles. One of their laser blast almost hit another ship and Rey couldn’t suppress a triumphant grin.

The Falcon chased the Destroyer through most of the Bespin and Hoth System. They kept up in speed, but were hopelessly outmatched in agility. The board cannons had proven so useless that now only the command ship was sporadically firing. It looked more like they tried to keep up appearances than anything else.

“Where are those TIEs? Why aren’t they releasing them?” Rose’s voice sounded through the comm. Rey drew her eyebrows together. She checked the clock and was surprised to see that their chase lasted almost two hours now. It didn’t make any sense; they should have long since sent out their smaller fighters.

“Let’s not tempt our luck – go to hyperspace” General Leia finally ordered, and Rey nodded absently. Before hitting the button, she reached out tentatively with the Force, but Ben simply wasn’t there. Then the Falcon jumped and the stars streaked away in front of her.

    


 

General Hux’s feet hovered just so above the ground. His body was rigid and his breath came in frightened, quick bursts. His hands clawed at his neck in a futile gesture.

Kylo Ren held one arm out in front of him, though he didn’t touch Hux. He didn’t really need to do that, but he liked the gesture anyway. Darth Vader had used it, too. Besides, it told people what was coming.

Perhaps it was the fact that it was General Hux he was Force choking, or maybe he simply needed an outlet. But the way that sleazy man’s eyes bulged under the Force’s power satisfied something deep within Kylo Ren. 

“Tell me _again_ what went wrong” Kylo Ren growled, the modulator of his mask adding its part to make his voice even more threatening. The General gasped helplessly for a few seconds until Kylo Ren realized that he probably couldn’t speak if he held him in the Force choke. He released the man and he fell unceremoniously to his knees. 

Hux coughed around taking in gulps of air while scrambling upright. He tugged at his collar as if that helped anything at all. “Supreme Leader” he wheezed and took another deep breath. “As I said: We had a malfunction with the launch bay gates. _Every_ technician is looking into it-“

“With _all_ of the gates? On _three ships_?” Kylo Ren roared and pushed Hux with a blast of the Force to the ground. He skidded over the black, polished floor and winced.

“We believe it’s sabotage. We have some suspects, sir. If you like, you can interrogate them…”

Kylo Ren waved the argument away. “No. Find the man who did this, then bring him to me. You need to keep a _much_ stronger grip on your crew, General”. He let Hux sit on the floor, dumbfounded and frightened and stalked away.


	4. Sabotage

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “You know what happened” Ben told her in low voice. “Don’t you?”.

  
The Falcon hovered silently behind an insignificant, uninhabited planet on the farthest edge of the Outer Rim. Rey sat in her small cabin, looking through the tiny window into empty space. The First Order no longer seemed to follow them. Not that they could, through hyperspace and without a tracker. And yet, everybody seemed to be so quiet. Whispered conversations, nods and headshakes rather than spoken answers. Perhaps it was what they saw outside the ship’s portholes: No stars. No planets. Not even a piece of space junk or a small meteor. Only blackness, stretching out in every direction away from the Falcon. Like an enormous veil that had smothered all life.

Rey got up from her bunk bed and glanced one more time out of the window before forcing her to turn away with a shudder. That the absence of stars could have such an impact on all of them… It seemed that some things left a gaping hole only when you _couldn’t_ see them. Or, couldn’t feel them.

“Ben?” Rey whispered into the silence. He materialized before her, sitting on something soft. A cushion? A bed? Strangely, she could see dark grey sheets around him that faded away after a few inches. His face and hair were damp, as if from sweat. He wore his usual black uniform, except for the cowl and the gloves. When Ben saw her, he leaned slightly forward, clasping his hands loosely between his knees. Exhaustion chased a myriad of other emotions across his expressive face. He looked worn and rumpled for all his regal clothing.

“You wore that mask of yours?” Rey asked without thinking.

Ben shrugged. “It’s still useful, sometimes”. He regarded her in silent concentration, his eyebrows slightly drawn. “You’re far away” he finally told her and Rey was certain she heard a hint of sadness in his voice. She nodded. She could feel it, too. The Force Connection didn’t dim or waver if they weren’t close. Yet she could tell that there was indeed a large distance between the Falcon and the First Order ships.

Four or five feet separated them. Rey took a hesitant step towards him, then another. Ben didn’t move, but continued to regard her with weary eyes. _He’s truly groggy_ , Rey thought with surprise when she was close enough to make out more details of his features. His scar stood out as an angry red streak down his face. Strands of hair clung to his forehead. She stood right before the tired, black-clad man. Had she been in the same room with him, she should have felt his body heat. Smelled his scent. Why wouldn’t the Force Connection allow this? She kept herself from pressing her thigh against his knee in a futile attempt to create more _rightness_ in their proximity. Standing apart and talking was one thing, but feeling the lack of a touch incomplete, even if it was just his hand around her wrist, was frustrating. Like looking out a window and not seeing the stars.

“What happened?” Rey asked softly.

Ben raised his eyebrows. “Do you want me to break your own rules, scavenger?” he replied, dry amusement in his voice.

Rey looked away from him. “Fine. You don’t need to tell me” she snapped back a little more venomous than she had intended. Kriff, this not-proximity got on her nerves quickly.

She heard him heave a small sigh. “You’re wondering why we didn’t send the TIEs after you?” he asked levelly. Rey raised her eyes back to his face. She knew the look in those tired eyes. She saw it often enough in the mirror these days.

“The launch bay gates wouldn’t open. Not one of them.” Ben told her.

Rey stared at him in utter surprise. “You’re telling me this. Why?” she asked.

Ben only shrugged. “It’s not like you wouldn’t have guessed eventually”

“But _all_ of them? Sabotage?” she ventured. Her mind was racing. Had Leia sent someone over without telling them? That would have been an immense risk to take.

She let her eyes travel down to Ben’s hands, clasped between his knees. Funny. She had expected him to reach out for her by now. Touch her. Did he hold back? Or was the lack of completeness as frustrating for him as it was for her?

“Rey” he said in his low voice, making her snap her gaze back to his face. A face that was so open, for all the galaxy to see. How could someone who was so utterly unable to hide any of his feelings be so corrupted by the Dark Side? They cheated, and they lied, they manipulated and turned facts around to suit them.

Ben had never lied to her. Not once. Not when he had her in his torture chamber, not when they had hacked away at each other on Starkiller Base, with every intent to kill. And not when he had offered her his hand – again – after he had killed Snoke for her. When he had told her about her parents, it had hurt so badly. Rey’s first instinct had been to reject his words, to simply brand them a lie from a monster of the Dark Side. But he had been right. She knew it, even now, in the pit of her stomach and the back of her heart.

Every single thing Ben Solo had told her was true.

Rey reached out and put her hands on his shoulders, unable to resist any longer. She could feel the cloth underneath her fingers, but it was undefined, vague. Ben didn’t move, but she knew he had to hold himself back.

“You know what happened” Ben told her in low voice. “Don’t you?”.

Rey nodded. “Say it” she whispered. Her right thumb caressed the place where she had scorched him with her light saber. She had seen the knotted scar in the Force Vision on Ahch-To.  

“I sabotaged my own ships, Rey” Ben told her.  
  
  
  
“What do you mean ‘from my quarters’?”. Kylo Ren stood with his back to General Hux, busying himself with some pads. He wished he had had the presence of mind to put on his mask before Hux had asked him for the meeting. Now he had to take care not to let too many emotions show on his face. He knew that this was a dreaded weakness. Yet he had never managed to control how his feelings showed on his features. Rey knew this, too.

Kylo Ren put the girl out of his mind with an effort and shot General Hux a warning glance over his shoulder.

“Well. We ran three separate diagnostics. Sir. And all lead back to your own quarters. There is really – sorry – _no_ doubt that the malfunction in the launch bay gates traces back to your personal workstation”.

Kylo Ren turned just enough to observe the red-haired man from the corner of his eye. He stood at perfect attention, straight and rigid, with hands clasped behind his back. He expected another assault of course – but he was ready to take it. To defy it.

Kylo Ren narrowed his eyes and turned away from the officer. “What is your conclusion?” he asked him.

The General drew an audible breath before he answered: “Someone must have broken into your quarters. It’s the only explanation”.

His voice was firmer now. Kylo Ren didn’t like that. He nodded sharply. “I agree. Find the person who did this. Bring them before me. Dismissed”. He waited to hear the General’s footsteps indicating he walked away. But Hux didn’t move. Kylo Ren turned around fully, glaring at the red-haired man. Yet Hux stood his ground before the Supreme Leader’s scrutiny.

“Supreme Leader” General Hux ventured then cleared his throat. “Is it the only explanation?” he asked, his voice even.

Kylo Ren took a large step towards the man, almost a lunge. He didn’t budge. The black-haired man knew full well that his anger showed on his face, but he let it.

“What exactly are you implying, General Hux?” the Supreme Leader’s voice was dangerously low, his hand had crept to the light saber on his hip.

The General cocked his head, just a tiny bit. From this up close, Kylo Ren could see the defiance lurking behind the obvious fear, hidden in his light eyes.

The red-haired man lowered his gaze to the ground eventually. “Nothing, Sir. I simply wanted your opinion”.

Kylo Ren balled his right hand into a fist, resisting the urge to simply punch the man’s face to pulp. “You have your orders. Follow them” he told him through clenched teeth.

 

 

The tea in the simply canteen in front of Rey had cooled to the point that steam no longer rose from it. She hadn’t touched it, although she appreciated Connix’s gesture to put it there for her. The Lieutenant lowered her own cup and regarded Rey over the rim of her data pad.

“That is all?” the blonde woman asked.

Rey nodded. “That’s all I can remember”.

Rey had told herself that as soon as she’d have more time, she _would_ follow the General’s Orders. In the end, it had been Lieutenant Connix who had cornered Rey and forced her to schedule the meeting about the Force Visions.

Connix turned the data pad around with one hand so Rey could see what she had typed. The small pad was only half filled with the meagre titbits Rey had volunteered. She had told her how a light saber hit manifested itself and that she thought that at one point, she could hear engines hum.

Rey hadn’t mentioned how frustratingly incomplete touch was through the Force Connection. The way Ben looked at her, his inner conflict renewed on this expressive face. How she had offered him her hand.

How Ben had sabotaged his own fleet.

Rey couldn’t even begin to find the words to describe these things.

“Finn said he was sure he saw you at least once, maybe twice, interacting with Kylo Ren during a Force Vision. Are you sure you can really only remember this little?”.

Rey drew her lips into a line. Finn. The weight of his betrayal had eaten its way through her heart. She had _loved_ the man. He had been a brother to her, her best friend. Leia had given up on Ben, had sent her husband on a suicide mission. Finn had ratted her out to the General. Was she really the only person on this ship who felt that protecting one person’s life could be worth more than the Rebel’s cause? Was she being selfish for thinking this way?

The truth was, Rey knew exactly what would happen if she told Connix all that she had shared with Ben. Leia had already demanded it from her: spy on him. Manipulate him. Exploit him. For Leia, the choice was clear. Sacrifices had to be made for the greater good. She had made them, Finn had made them. Now they expected Rey to make them; to be their shining, good little jedi, a new inspiration for their forty-something rebels still left.   

“What about sounds? Other people around the Supreme Leader? Echoes? The Lighting? You know what General Organa said: every tiny detail may help”. Connix leaned over the table, snapping Rey’s wandering thoughts back.

Rey shook her head, feeling suddenly drained. “I’m sorry, Connix. I wish there was more. But it isn’t”, she lied.  
  
  
Ships were falling from the skies, the clouds were on fire. Like meteors the vessels crashed down all around Rey. She was barefoot, her toes dug into Jakku’s familiar, fine sand. Rey had learned to run over sand with no shoes. But now, she couldn’t move. Everything was red and stifling hot, with a choking humidity that came from the stars knew where. She saw her friends standing a few feet away, scattered in the desert like standing stones. Like her, they looked up at the burning skies, seemingly too stunned to move or even scream. It was a surreal scene, with ships falling silently from the sky, lit on fire by their descent through the planet’s atmosphere.

BB-8 went down first. His too-human screech was cut silent by the large corpse of a Destroyer that crashed right on top of him, trailing flames. Poe whipped his head around before another one of the triangular ships smashed him. Leia Organa looked Rey’s way, with sad, hard eyes before she died. Next came Finn, then Rose. And then Ben.

With a start, Rey woke up from her nightmare. She thought she didn’t scream, but she couldn’t be sure. It was always the same dream, and every time, it robbed her of sleep after she was hurled from it. Three or four nights went by without the dream, and it did fade into oblivion quickly the next morning. Rey had never been the kind of person to linger on dreams, anyway. Only right after those images still burned behind her closed eyelids was she unable to drift back to sleep.

Rey sat up and rubbed her eyes, then brought on the lights. She drew up her knees to her chest and wrapped her arms around them. For a while she stared at the patch of metal wall at the end of her bunk bed. By the ship’s chosen time-zone it was still in the middle of the night. She could see who was on cockpit duty, but decided against it eventually, not wanting to explain herself. Everyone else was probably asleep, and not just on the Falcon …

Rey heard his sleepy complaint even before Ben materialized sitting at the edge of her bed where he feet were.

Rey jumped and drew up her knees higher.

“Didn’t we talk about this? I thought we _specifically_ talked about this” Ben growled as he shot her a dark and bleary-eyed glare.

“What are you doing here?” Rey hissed at him.

“ _What_? You literally tore me from my sleep, scavenger”. Ben ran his hands through his tousled hair. He wore a simple, black pyjama. Of course. It had to be black.

“Well, I didn’t tap into the Force Connection” Rey shot back. “Not deliberately, anyway” she ceded hesitantly.

Ben turned his body around to her. “Since you tend to sprout some very uncharacteristic sarcasm when I ask you about your sleeping patterns, I will refrain from doing so” he stated.

Rey shrugged. She didn’t want to talk about her nightmares. Not even with Ben. Telling them only helped to memorize the horrible images better, and that was quite frankly the last thing she needed right now.

“Sorry I woke you up” Rey said. “Go back to sleep, Ben. I promise it won’t happen again”.

He regarded her for a little while, the way he often did. Contemplative, eyes intense. Then he simply leaned back against her drawn up knees, pulling up one foot to the edge of her bed.

“There’s a planet, close to the Core System” he told her.

“What are you doing, Ben?” Rey asked.

“Shut up, scavenger. Thanks to you I can’t sleep now anyway”. He waved a hand at her and Rey fell silent. “Core System. I don’t think you’ve been there”. Rey shook her head. She leaned back against the headrest, careful not to move her legs too much. Ben’s weight against them was solid and reassuring.

“They call it the Planet of a Hundred Waters. Han took me there once, when I was little. Its surface consists of millions upon millions of islands, every one of them shaped like a mountain that rises from the ocean. The water in these oceans shimmers like oil, except that it’s something else. Not oil. I can’t remember right now”.

Rey smiled at the irritation in his voice and on his face. Then she closed her eyes.

“These mountain-islands have waterfalls. Some of them are simple water. But some are quicksilver. Or lava. Or just dense mist. Some are permanently frozen, others are thick as mire”.

Rey tried to imagine them, all those different kinds of waterfalls. And the rainbow-oceans.

Water. On Jakku, all life had revolved around the simple substance. Most life-forms needed water, but on Jakku, it had been worth more than money. More than a life, sometimes. Your every thought seemed to circle around the liquid. And then there had been Ahch-To where she had felt sweet, sweet rain on her face for the first time, free and seemingly infinite. Did Ben know that, somehow? He was still talking, recounting in detail all the waterfalls and the pools at their feet and what different kinds of waters felt like when you swam in them. Rey huffed a small laugh as she imagined little Ben dipping in the lakes. She cracked open one eye and observed the young man sitting at the edge of her bed. He didn’t look at her, his eyes glazed over by a far-away look. Unruly hair, a pair of simple pyjamas – it wasn’t so very hard to imagine him as a small boy right now.

“There. When this is all over, you should go and visit” he told her, ending his recount. “Now go back to sleep, Rey”. He looked at her, then, slightly leaning forward. The unusually nonchalance was suddenly gone, a sad and craving look back on his face. Rey held her breath, but Ben only pressed his lips together, then he vanished.

Rey let out a breath. “When this is all over…” she whispered to the empty room.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ben sure knows how to hand Hux a mutiny sooner or later. Also, I feel I should apologize for two things: 1) sorry for making Leia and Finn so suspicious of Rey. I guess that's tweaking their character almost too far. But well, I guess you already realized that it had to happen, for the story's sake. 2) sorry for the late (and a little short) update! A cold has me in its grip since before Christmas and I rather sleepwalk through my days at the moment! Next updates should come sooner.


	5. Closer

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Yet there is still Light in him! I saw it. I can use that”.

Rey turned the old book around to Kylo Ren, keeping one finger pressed down on the fold. “Can you read it now?” she asked.

Kylo Ren sat cross-legged on the floor in the middle of his bedroom. Rey mirrored his pose from wherever she was on the Falcon; for him, she had her back to his bed. Between them lay an open book. It was ancient and worn, its pages made of thick hide, rippled from time and worn thin on the edges from the numberless fingers that had turned the pages over the centuries. _How_ exactly Rey had gotten hold of old jedi books, Kylo Ren still didn’t quite understand. Though he guessed she didn’t want to admit outright stealing them from Luke Skywalker.

At first her request for him to look at the books had puzzled Kylo Ren, even annoyed him. Another attempt to turn him to the Light side? Pathetic. But then he had realized that he was probably the only person Rey could think of to help her understand those texts. Although his mother did have some command of the Force, she had never studied with Luke Skywalker. And apparently, Luke hadn’t told Rey a lot about these books either.  

Kylo Ren leaned over the tome, his knee brushing against hers with the movement. He didn’t bother to move, though he still did have to steel himself against the absence of a complete touch.

“Luke taught us to read texts in this language… but this is really faded” Kylo Ren said. His eyes skimmed over the lines. He absently brushed her hand away where her fingers obscured the next line, realizing too late that if she didn’t touch it, he wouldn’t be able to see it through the Force Vision.

Except, he could.

His eyes met hers and she raised her eyebrows at his surprised look. “What?” Rey asked.

“I can still see the book, although you’re not touching it” Kylo Ren explained.

“Maybe because it’s between us?” Rey mused and stood up nimbly. The book vanished. Kylo Ren shook his head. “No, it’s gone”. Rey settled back down, crossing her legs.

Kylo Ren reached out over the book for her hand. He didn’t wear gloves. He had made it an unconscious habit to go without gloves when he met with Rey through a Force Vision. Though skin on skin contact made it even harder to stand the frustration of the lacking completeness. And yet, he couldn’t bear not to touch her, not to create – somehow - more closeness between them. He didn’t know if it was an effect of the Force Connection; a basic human need to complete what the Force couldn’t. He felt like an addict; knowing what he craved could never satisfy him this way, but unable to stop himself. Kylo Ren closed his eyes and took a breath. It was too late, anyway; his feelings showed on his face like crude brush strokes on a canvas.

The moment his hand touched Rey’s, the book appeared in front of him. He looked up at Rey and indicated the text with his head. Rey slid her hand out from under his. The book vanished. “And it’s gone” Kylo Ren told her. She put her fingers on top of his, and the tome appeared again out of thin air.

“It seems things stay in the Force Connection when they’re between us – and we touch” Kylo Ren mused. He flipped a page with his free hand, feeling the vellum as a brittle object, but lacking more information. His eyes flickered back to Rey’s hand on his, his wrist resting on his knee. She leaned over the book as well, seemingly concentrating on the drawing that showed on the new page. A simple touch of their clothed knees had been enough just now. Did she realize this? She didn’t have to keep her hand on his …

Rey slid her fingers under his, entwining them. She didn’t look up from the book. Kylo Ren sat very still, forcing himself to breathe and praying she wouldn’t lift her head.

She had been an oddity at first. Another Force sensitive: unexpected, but not unwelcome. A potential asset, a tool to be used by Snoke – like Kylo Ren himself.

Then Kylo Ren had met her, and he had been intrigued. 

The way she had defied him during his interrogation; so terrified, yet so brave. He had taken his mask off for her then, had suddenly wanted her to see his face.

Her manifesting powers with the Force and the light saber had overwhelmed him. Even as she had come at him on Starkiller Base, with brilliant, honest fury, he had been exhilarated at her talent.

Then, her innocent conviction that she would find him and turn him to the Light side - despite the fact that he had just killed his father, her hero. So hopeful, still. After everything he had done to her, she had been willing to put all her hope in him. 

And the way she kept coming back to him, through their Force Connection. Her finger on his scar, her hand now in his.

Whenever he could, he had let his anger and annoyance at her taken over gladly. Had at times _wanted_ to be ruled by hatred and fury against the rebel scum, the scavenger and her treacherous little friends. To fool Snoke, frightened that he might discover his fascination with the girl.

And to fool himself, too.

But just like he knew his open face could not conceal his emotions, he knew he could no longer deceive himself.

Because he wanted her. _Stars_ , how he wanted her.

 

“This is a big risk you’re asking me to take, Rey” General Leia sighed audibly. She had gotten up from the mess hall table to pace. That left Rey, Finn, Rose and Poe sitting to stare up at her in silence. “We barely have the resources for a mission like this yet” the General continued. “If it fails, we might be left with even less than we have now”.

“We have _me_ , General Organa” Rey replied. “I have the Force. I might not be a jedi, but I can command it”.

Leia grunted. “Indeed you can”.

Rey pressed her lips together. “I don’t mean Force Visions-“ she started, but Poe’s hand on her arm cut her off.

“I’m with Rey on this one” the pilot said. “She’s right. You know what she did on Starkiller Base, General. If it she hadn’t escaped from Kylo Ren _and_ gotten into that Storm Trooper’s head, we might not have been able to get to her after all. Not to mention how she faced off against that monster”. He gave Rey a charming grin, squeezing her arm.

Finn sat close together with Rose; neither of them had yet joined the argument. It had been Rey who had brought it up, after they had picked up a stray radio signal from the First Order to Bastatha, requesting the planet to prepare to fuel up their ships. Well, more like _ordering_ them, but still. The rebels weren’t surprised; their chase had burnt a ton of fuel. Except that Han Solo had equipped the Falcon with extra fuel tanks, sacrificing a cargo hold for it. It seemed as a smuggler, he had known that getting very far away, very quickly, was sometimes worth more than a valuable fright. So their ship still had enough fuel – but the large, heavy First Order ships didn’t.

Knowing that they would have to stay in orbit around Bastatha for some time, Rey had suggested they use that chance to infiltrate the ships and cause some havoc. In and out, cut some wires, a quick mission. After all, that _was_ the other part of Leia’s plan.  

“I do admit that it’s a tempting chance” General Leia spoke up again, halting at the head of the table. “But it’s also an incredible risk. Not only do we have to bring the Falcon close to the enemy, we might also lose even more people. And I’m not sure about sending you, Rey”.

Rey clenched her teeth. “Let me prove myself to you” she pleaded. “I _want_ the Resistance to make a difference! You know I do”.

“And yet you have yielded no useful information about the enemy” the General countered.

“I’ve told Connix all I could think of as useful!” Rey replied heatedly. In truth, she had given in to making up titbits; little things she could remember from sneaking around Starkiller Base and what she had seen when Ben had escorted her to Snoke’s room.

She wasn’t lying to the General. Rey _did_ want the rebels to succeed. Not to kill everyone in the First Order, but to end this conflict. If Ben was on these ships, she _needed_ to be part of the mission. She had no intentions to warn him; they weren’t going to blow up three Destroyers with a handful of unequipped rebels. Besides, if she did warn Ben and he acted upon it, Leia would promptly throw her in the ship’s small hold, branding her a traitor. But she didn’t know when they were going to be so close again. Perhaps never or perhaps the next time she would see his ship would be when he blasted the Falcon to dust. He couldn’t keep sabotaging his own fleet forever.

“Yeah, we should do it” Finn said. “But with a different objective: kill the Supreme Leader”. His eyes were dark, and he didn’t meet Rey’s. “It might be our best and last option to get close to the man”.

Leia sighed. “That’s a big bite you wanna take” she mused.

“He _needs_ to go” Finn persisted. “He killed _millions_ of people. Mercilessly”.

“He killed Snoke, instead of me!” Rey countered.

Finn finally turned to her, and she was taken aback by the look of contempt on his face. When had he started to hate her that much? They hadn’t had any chance to talk things over. What scenarios had this honest young man cooked up in his head instead?

“So he could take Snoke’s place” he spat. “Plus, he killed Han Solo. And tried to kill Luke Skywalker. _Twice_ ”.

“Yet there is still Light in him! I saw it. I can _use_ that”. Rey pleaded.

“He resisted your first time to be turned”.

“He didn’t kill me when he could”.

“But he brought you to Snoke without batting an eye”.

“He had a plan!”

“Have you _seen_ him on Crait? He’s a lunatic! A power-hungry egomaniac!” Finn shot back, rising from his chair.

“ _Enough_!” General Leia thundered and slammed her hands on the table. “Fine. We’re going through with it. We might not get another chance like that again. I admit that. _But-“_ and she glared first at Finn, then at Rey “- I will not have anyone going rogue on that mission. We all stick _precisely_ to the plan. Is that understood?”

Rey mirrored Finn’s silent nod.

 

 

The ship had settled for the night; the footsteps of people passing by outside Rey’s small, dark quarters gradually abided. Only the Falcon’s engines whispered to her in a low, comforting hum. Rey lay on her side and stared at the wall in front of her, though the darkness wouldn’t let her make out details.

It wasn’t the nightmare this time that wouldn’t let her sleep. Instead, her restless mind revolved around a reality that should not have come to pass, had the galaxy ever held any kindness for her at all.

The moment she had met Finn on Jakku, a future had begun to blossom before Rey’s eyes. A future that had no longer narrowed down - like a single beam of light - to ‘wait for my parents’, but instead had broadened into an entire illuminated horizon. It wasn’t so much the new paths she could take, but the people she would eventually call a family.

And now she seemed to gradually alienate herself from that family – running instead into the arms of the enemy for comfort and understanding.

Had her moral compass spun so much out of control? Rey had always thought herself a _good_ person. Someone who could tell wrong from right. She could have become a thief on Jakku. Or a dealer, money launderer, even prostitute herself. All these choices would have paid more money and given her more protection than she had gained by working for Plutt. But she had taken the proper option. The _good_ option. It couldn’t have been any other way. However, the child Rey had made that decision based on her understanding of light and dark, following her morals.

Now it was so much more complicated, as confusing feelings weighed in on her every thought. She loved Leia, and Poe and Rose and Connix, and even Finn, still. They were all good people, and although their ultimate goal and Rey’s was the same, it seemed that the paths that led to this goal had diverged greatly.

She shared with Ben what she could never share with any of her Resistance-family. It was more than the Force. It was as if their lives were destined to align, above even the future she had glimpsed when they had first touched in the Force Vision. And then again, it was something a lot more basic than jedi and sith and dark and light; something untamed and instinctive. A disruptive force to her clean moral compass, but fulfilling and _right_ on a whole different level.

Rey turned to the other side and drew her knees up to her stomach. Sleep would not come if she kept churning on heavy thoughts like that. She missed Ben, suddenly, like a sharp spike in her chest. She drew a breath and forced herself to relax. She had no intention of accidentally calling him through the Force, probably waking him up again.

The mattress sank down at Rey’s back ever so slightly as a new weight settled down on it behind her. Rey closed her eyes, neither scared, nor very much surprised. Ben’s hair tickled her neck and she felt his arm draping around her shoulder. He reached for her hands that she had tucked under her chin. He pried her fingers lose carefully and enfolded them within his palm, pressing them against her chest. Rey robbed back until she felt her body align with Ben’s, her back against his broad chest. There was no body heat, no smell or even the sensation of his breast heaving as he breathed. But it was all they had for now and Rey felt like she would tear apart from the tension between the sensation of proximity and distance at the same time.

Ben tugged her closer to his chest with a sudden strength, his face nuzzled in the crook of her neck. She felt his legs covering hers, as if he tried to create as much skin on skin contact as possible. Rey covered Ben’s hand with her own, her thumb caressing his fingers.

“I want to see you” Rey whispered into the darkness. She wiggled in his arms, trying to turn around to face him. But he tightened his grip around her and she felt him shake his head against her neck.

“Don’t turn around. Please”. Ben’s voice was hoarse. “This is all I can take”.

Rey’s breath caught in her throat and she knew _exactly_ what he meant.

It was tearing them both apart, the addiction of the Force.

So they stayed like this, silent, bodies rigid against each other, with a hunger they could not sate. Rey fell asleep eventually, more from exhaustion than anything else. But she fell asleep against Ben’s chest, with his arms around her and that was the small kindness the galaxy would give her for this night.

 

 

The Millennium Falcon was a glorious ship. Unfortunately, it was also rather recognizable.

Bastatha’s twin planet Asthat was much smaller than its cavern-riddled big sister, yet a lot more accommodating to life. While the larger planet’s surface was uninhabitable, numerous settlements sprang up here, where the soil was fertile.

The Falcon touched down on a landing platform outside the planet’s largest city – or rather, a large settlement with low, sprawling houses that were each surrounded by plots of land. People here were farmers who lived mostly self-sufficient. Trade outside the planet was so scarce and that it was probably the reason why the small world remained well under everyone’s radar.

Except for Leia’s.

A lone, human woman waited for the General, Poe, Finn, Rose and Rey to descend the Falcon’s gangway. Rey could see how Leia’s smile widened as she strode confidently towards her.

“Kira!” the General greeted her and they clasped hands. Kira smiled too, but she kept darting nervous glances to the sides.

“Come quickly” the woman told the rebel delegation and ushered them into a hut adjacent to the landing platform. She closed the door behind them and lit a portable lamp that she had placed on a table. Rey guessed that this was the control station for the landing site, yet the thick dust told her that it hadn’t been used in some time. The General and her contact settled down on the two chairs, leaving Rey and the others standing around the table. Kira’s obvious nervousness kept Rey on edge. However she did understand the woman. To be caught sympathizing with the Resistance _now_ was a certain death sentence. Kira and the General must share a strong friendship for her to take that risk.

“Those will hold up to standard inspections, but not to deep scrutiny” Kira told them as she slid four cards across the table. “So keep your heads down”.

The cards showed Finn’s, Rey’s, Poe’s and Rose’s pictures, though they were grainy and therefore not easily recognizable. That was probably on purpose. What was written on them, Rey couldn’t read, but it was clear from their layout that they were ID cards.

Leia turned her attention to her four young rebels, handing them their respective cards. “Those identify you as low-level workers and part of the crew from Bastatha that’ll fuel the Destroyers” she explained. “They’re not equipped to service three large ships on such short notice, so they need every hand they can get, and fast. That gives you the opportunity to slip in without going through extensive checks first. Remember - you pose as simple, manual workers. So keep to your role”.

“Now, for part two” Kira said and got up as soon as the General had stopped speaking. The rebels followed her out a door on the other side of the building.

They emerged to the sight of a small, battered shuttle. Rey blinked against the daylight as she took in the sorry vessel. Its once-red paint was mostly faded and no-one had bothered to wash off the dirt or cover patches of rust. It was perfect.

“Kira, we cannot thank you enough” Leia told her friend and handed her a credit chip. “I know it’s not much, but I will never forget what you did for us”.

Kira gave her a tight smile. “There are four overalls on board for you well” she said. “Good luck”.

The General took her hands once more. “May the Force be with you” she said earnestly.

“And with you” Kira replied.

 

The cockpit was so tiny that only one of them could pilot the shuttle. Rey had given up the ‘privilege’ to Poe while Rose, Finn and she changed into their bright yellow worker overalls. They sported the fuel company’s emblem on the back and the chest, along with what looked like a slogan. They were thoroughly stained, faded and frayed at the knees and cuffs. The ship rattled and bumped its way through the planet’s atmosphere before emerging into open space and a slightly smoother flight.

Where Asthat was quiet and serene, with much open land and few people, Bastatha was the exact opposite: because of a very toxic atmosphere, life had retreated underneath the earth, burrowing into the planet with caves and tunnels. Poe slipped the ship expertly into one of the surface’s cracks that soon opened up into an enormous cavern where even the Falcon could have easily manoeuvred. Other ships were already parked there, most of them small and beaten. Their little shuttle fit right in.

The four rebels emerged into a sea of people made up from various species, but all wore similar overalls with the company’s emblem. Some of them were all yellow, like Rey’s, some only had a batch of the colour. Rey scanned her surroundings. They stood in a large, high cavern. Floodlights illuminated every corner brilliantly, but their light could not reach the ceiling. Enormous tanks along the outer walls connected to outlets were being filled with fuel while the additional workers were giving basic instructions in small groups.

An overseer in an almost all-white overall equipped with a data pad approached the four of them. Rey’s heart beat in her chest and she half hid behind Poe who displayed his usual charming smile and showed no sign of nervousness. Rose stood close to Finn. The overseer scanned their IDs quickly and herded them together with a group of other yellows. Rey let out a breath. That first hurdle was overcome.

Suddenly, a speaker cackled and a metallic voice announced something in a language Rey couldn’t understand. However, Poe and Rose next to her groaned, more or less mirroring several other people’s reactions. Before they could translate for her and Finn, the message sounded again in a tongue Rey did understand: they were going to be delayed at least 24 hours. Because the First Order had requested a repair crew. Something about broken gates. 

Rey suppressed a grin that bubbled up in her, fuelled by too much adrenaline.

“Well, more time to cosy up to our future co-workers” Poe whispered under his breath. “Maybe we can even use the time to recruit someone?”

Rey gave him a sceptical look, not sure whether he was joking or not. The faces around her seemed so very familiar. Creatures with hard shells – figuratively or real – who lived from credit bar to credit bar, with no plans for the future. Get money, then eat, then drink away the misery, then repeat. On Niima Outpost she had seen the exact same lines on the same faces. Sunken eyes, staring ahead; not bothering to care for anything but their own hides. What had the world ever given them, except pain and ungratefulness? Why should they care for the Resistance’s noble ambitions, or even for the First Order?

“I doubt it” Rey whispered, more to herself than in answer to Poe.

The foreman in the white overall strode over to their group, consulting his pad. “Okay, listen up” he called. “Seems like there’s a delay. We can provide a bunk bed for those of you who don’t have a means to overnight. You’ll have to find food for yourself, though. Let me know if you need assistance”. Rose, Finn, Poe and Rey all raised their hands, along with about half of their group. Those who didn’t have hands or paws to raise, grunted or flicked their antennas.

A Rodian with a blue overall wordlessly pressed a folded bunk bed into Rey’s hands. The creature’s green skin clashed with the overall’s bright blue. Rey hefted the too-flimsy structure and followed the rest or the yellows into another cavern. It seemed like that one had been a mess hall, doubling now as a makeshift dorm; tables and chairs had been stacked and then shoved against the wall to make room.

“Set the beds down in rows, fifteen by fifteen. You should all fit this way” another overseer called to them as they filed into the room.

 

It was past ten in the night by the Falcon’s time when Rey sat down on her bunk bed. She heaved a breath, then let herself topple sideways, resting her head on the thin pillow. Her feet hurt most, but the muscles in her arms and back protested as well. Rey had thought that the past few weeks had hardened her, but she was forced to admit that the work for the Resistance was easy compared to what she had endured every day on Jakku, or even when she had slept rough on Ahch-To.  

The company had made them prepare the tanks and ships for the next day, so they’d be ready when the First Order would finally grace them with the permission to fuel up.

A few other workers had also returned to their bunks. Rey, Finn, Poe and Rose had been separated earlier, assigned tasks best fitting their abilities. Thanks to their fake IDs, those abilities turned out to be rather limited, so all of them had been put to dull, manual work on various stations. 

The Rodian from before walked down the aisle and past her head, in conversation with another human in the same blue overall. A water dispenser stood just across from Rey’s bed and the two halted there. Without meaning to, Rey picked up their conversation, probably because they talked in her native tongue.

“… signed up next door, then at least I wouldn’t have to wait – plus repairing pays way better” the human man said.

The Rodian snorted. His large, dark eyes simmered with an annoyance that was mirrored in his voice. “Prenn next door’s just as shorthanded as we are. Fixing launch bay gates in _one day_? On _three ships_? Why not just put droids to it!”. He dunked down a cup of water. “Xan’nan says they’re just about to take off, at least”. Then the pair moved on and their words dwindled.

Rey sat up straight, a rush of excitement chasing away the fatigue. An idea began to unfold in her head, quickly spreading and solidifying into a plan. Poe would never let her roam the ships alone, would he? And Finn would keep an extra eye on her if he could. But if she went with those repair crews…

Rey got up, scanning the large room. Her other companions hadn’t returned yet. She bit her lower lip, hesitating. They would know she was gone, of course. And even if she managed to return before their fuel crew lifted off, she would have a very hard time explaining her absence. They would guess it had something to do with Ben anyway; Rey had no more illusions about that.

But what if this one trip was all it took to finally end the war? What if she could make every other death obsolete with that one, tiny betrayal? She only needed to see Ben, talk to him…

How she wished she was better at telling herself such noble lies.

Rey wound her way quickly through the rows of beds and slipped out the door.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bear with me! ;) I'll post chapter 6 tomorrow, just need to change a few lines and read it through again. Sorry for the lengthy space tech talk, but - you guessed it - we'll get Rey to Ben eventually.


	6. Skin Deep

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben gave her a stare of dark amusement. “That is all?” he asked in a low voice.

No-one stopped Rey - or even seemed to take much notice - as she made her way towards the shuttle. Rey suspected that not a few of the more unskilled labours had simply flown off again after the long delay had been announced. So another yellow slipping away wasn’t uncommon.

Rey shrugged out of her overall and snatched up her staff. She let out a breath as her hand closed around the metal rod. She didn’t like to be without her weapon. With the light saber cracked beyond repair, and the mission forcing her to leave her staff in the shuttle, she had felt almost naked until now.

This part of the tunnel system seemed to be dedicated to the industry around space travel. Signs in various languages and colours pointed towards the different branches: Fuel, cleaning, droid shop, hiring, and repairs. Rey slung the staff over her shoulder and let her hair down, obscuring her face as best as she could. She crept along the walls, head down. It seemed only the fuel company required their workers to wear branded overalls, for the people she passed were outfitted in all sorts of clothing.

Rey emerged into another enormous cave that bustled with activity. In fact, it seemed downright chaotic. People ran past her, yelling commands across the expanse. Ships’ engines whined to life, and Rey saw one shuttle that was just lifting off. The sound of shouting voices and heavy machinery peaked into a cacophony of noise. Droids zipped past, someone welded a large part of metal in the distance, spraying sparks, others boarded more waiting ships at a trot.

Rey squared her shoulders and walked out into the open room, eyeing one of the ships that was just being loaded. If she could slip in between -

“Hey! You!” someone called out to her, a female voice booming over the noise.

Rey froze and turned, watching as a tall Togruta woman strode towards her, anger plain on her face. Rey had no doubt that woman knew exactly that she was an intruder, chaos or not. Rey stood up taller. She was _not_ going to give up so quickly.

“Ben” she whispered to herself and began to take deep, calming breaths.

Rey faced the woman squarely, actively seeking eye contact. Before the Togruta could open her mouth, Rey told her as calmly as she could: “I will board the shuttle for the First Order command ship. I am with the repair crew of that shuttle”. With the Force she pushed the words and the images behind those words at the woman, weighing them with importance.

The Togruta opened her mouth and closed it again, then her eyes grew void. “You will board the shuttle for the First Order command ship. You’re with the crew of that ship” she repeated monotonously, her arm lifted mechanically and pointed towards the ship that Rey had initially eyed. Then she simply turned on her heels and walked away. Rey allowed a smile to spread over her lips for a moment. Then she jogged over to the shuttle.

Rey was herded into the shuttle along with around twenty others. No-one else questioned her; it seemed that as soon as you’re on a shuttle, it was assumed that you did indeed belong there. The crew looked much like her yellows had looked. Apparently, the repair company had to scramble for every hand available too. Luckily, those people weren’t required to wear the company’s attire. Most of them even seemed to have brought their own tools, judging by the variety of crew drivers and wrenches. Among the diversity of people, outfits, and tools, even her staff didn’t stand out very much.

The ship lifted off not ten seconds after the gangway had retracted. It hovered over the ground towards the cave’s mouth where it accelerated into a steep angle and soon emerged out of a crack and into the planet’s atmosphere. Craning her neck, Rey could see the shadows of the three huge, triangular Destroyers hovering above the sky.

 

The shuttle had to dock on an old air lock, a manoeuvre which was accompanied by a string of ugly curses from both their captain and the First Order officer on the intercom. It seemed that Ben had indeed dealt quite some damage to his bay gates. They finally succeeded, and Rey helped the crew heave the heavy equipment down the narrow corridor that lead away from the air lock. An officer in a crisp uniform and shiny boots awaited them at the end of the corridor that branched off to two sides. He motioned them to follow him, which they did obediently. Groups of people in dark uniforms and Stormtrooper units marched past them, none of them so much as giving them a glance. 

Rey let herself fall back, and when two officers in dark blue disappeared through a door to her left, she took her chance and slipped in after them.

 

Kylo Ren felt still restless, although his body protested the thought; muscles aching, hands raw and red. He had spent another late evening in the training hall, hacking away at holo-enemies that were as wooden as they were lifeless. He couldn’t even use his light saber to spar; you could really only use a light saber against another light saber. Still, hacking away at flickering blue images with a crude training saber had somewhat helped to blank his mind. For a while.

When he was still a padawan with Luke Skywalker, the jedi master had begun training his apprentices in meditation - before they ever so much as made a pebble move with the Force. Soon after, Snoke had found Ben Solo and made him his, effectively replacing the petty jedi training with much more rewarding methods. Where Luke had made him sit on hard stones for days, Snoke had showed him how to Force-push a boulder with his mind in the same time. It had been exhilarating, and it still was, up to this day.

Now, for the first time since Snoke had taken over Kylo Ren’s training, he wished for the peace of mind to settle into meditation.

Kylo Ren _could_ push problems out of his mind; Snoke had told him how. Better to have a clear head in some situations than to overthink a matter and become distracted. Trouble was, if he shoved one of them away, the others came rushing in. A surge of rage washed through him. With a wordless shout he threw the training saber across the room where it hit the wall with a loud bang and clattered to the ground.

They had lost their trace on the Rebels and he had no idea where they had jumped to. Dominance over his officers – especially Hux – was slipping away from him, probably careening him straight towards a mutiny. And he was losing his mind over the scavenger girl.

The laughable thing about that was that Kylo Ren knew exactly how he could fix all those problems easily: kill Rey. Get rid of her, once and for all.

And that was exactly what he couldn’t do. It was too late for that. Far, far too late.

So he spent his days in his mask, knowing his emotions would give him away. It was all about the Resistance now, every meeting, every information revolved around them. They could not move forward if they didn’t first deal with that vermin. That meant Rey was constantly on his mind, occupying him, distracting him. Trying to stay away from the Force Visions had only proven to make him more irritable and he had trouble concentrating on the easiest tasks – let alone lead a whole fleet. So he gave in to his madness, reaching out for her again and again.

Hux was suspicious, of course. And Kylo Ren was giving him every reason to. His grip on the man became weaker every day, whether or not he Force-choked him every so often. Hux took it without complaint now, knowing Kylo Ren would not kill him. The General’s pale eyes stayed on his mask unwavering when he held him in the air, daring him to end it. He couldn’t possibly know about his connection to the scavenger, but if he presented their Supreme Leader unhinged and gradually slipping into insanity, he wouldn’t need another reason for his crew to start a mutiny.

Kylo Ren walked over to where the training saber lay on the floor and picked it up. He spread his legs into a stance, lifting his arms. His muscles burned but he ignored it stoically. “New session!” he barked at the computer and charged as the holo-enemies flickered to life.

 

When Rey had last been on a First Order vessel – although it had been Starkiller base – she had searched for an exit; any exit, really. That had been far easier than trying to find one single person. Even if that person was Supreme Leader Kylo Ren. Or, perhaps, _because_ of that.

The room she had slipped into had turned out to hold Stormtrooper armour that needed repairing. The two officers who had preceded her had simply crossed the room and exited it by another door. That left Rey in the company of about a dozen droids who worked with beeps and whirrs on the white suits. She let out a pent-up breath. She contemplated for a second dressing up as a Stormtrooper, but decided against it. With all the repair crews on board, she could simply say she had gotten lost if someone asked her.

Tentatively, Rey reached out with the Force. Now that she wasn’t on an official mission with the Resistance, there was no need to keep her presence on the ship a secret from Ben. She ran into a wall. Stunned, Rey tried again, with the same effect. It felt as though Ben’s mind was completely shut off to the Force, or perhaps preoccupied with something so intently that he simply wasn’t sensitive to the Force right now.

Fine. The old-fashioned way then.

Rey crossed the room towards the exit that the two First Order officers had taken. She peeked around the corner as the door opened. It led out into another corridor. This one was much broader, however, and she could see windows to the right, looking out at the stars. So she had circled back to the ship’s rim. She wasn’t sure if that was a good thing or not, but at least that large hallway looked like it was a major artery to the ship’s system.

The corridor was deserted for now and Rey didn’t think twice. She perked her ears for any footsteps as she quickly made her way along the inner wall. The floor and the walls were black and shiny, menacing in their own way. The ceiling was impossibly high, the supporting beams tapered to a point. She passed labelled doors and smaller corridors branching off at regular intervals.

When she thought that she must have walked at least halfway along the ships eastern side, Rey slipped into one of the smaller corridors that led to the ship’s inner part. Suddenly, the sound of quickly approaching footsteps thundered through the small hallway. Rey cursed under her breath and pressed the panel on the next best door. She didn’t trust herself enough to get into the heads of a whole group with the Force.

The door hissed open and – slipping her staff from her shoulder –  she stepped into the room, pressing her back to the wall and turning her eyes to scan her surroundings.

Ten paces in front of her, Ben Solo let his weapon clatter to the ground.

A wave of vertigo washed over Rey, as if two realities had suddenly shifted and aligned. She pressed her palms flat against the wall to steady herself, her staff sliding to the floor.

Across the room, Ben’s face seemed to mirror her own feelings. He stared at her, dumfounded and slack with shock. He was barefoot, dressed in a lose shirt and trousers that came down halfway to his calves.

Then Ben took a step forward. And another. And then he broke into a run, charging her wordlessly with a burst of speed.

Rey pressed herself against the wall, stupefied by the surreal scene. Was he going to attack her?

Ben didn’t break his stride as he came up to her, and then simply wrapped his arms around her and Rey thought she would shatter into a thousand pieces from the onslaught of impressions battering down on her senses.

She could smell his scent, could feel the sweat on his skin. His heart beat in his chest, fast, as he pressed her against himself. His body was _warm_ , so warm and _alive!_ Rey squeezed her eyes shut and put her arms around Ben’s neck, standing on tiptoes. She pressed her whole body against his, her face in the crook of his neck, breathing him in with gulps. Her hands roamed across the fabric of his shirt, seeking skin, and finally finding purchase in his hair. She revelled in the dampness of his locks, bathed in the slickness of his sweat-covered arms. She pressed her breasts against his chest, not caring for the pain, but only wanting to feel his heartbeat mirror her own.

Ben’s hand had found the hem of her shirt and dove underneath it, his palms spread out over her back. He had bitten down on her shoulder, she had barely noticed. Every fibre of her body screamed _closer_ and _more._ Their bodies aligned, from shoulder to pelvis, knees bumping awkwardly.

Rey almost protested as Ben lifted his head from her shoulder, but when she felt instead his lips on her own, she gasped, not in surprise, but at the world shifting into _right_ again.

He kissed her with the ferocity of a starving man. There was no room for shy gentleness, the Force pulsing in synch with their hearts. It was a messy kiss, a desperate one. At some point, Rey’s lower lip split and bled, but she didn’t care, and Ben didn’t notice. Their breaths were hot and damp but so _alive_ and _real._ Rey felt her mouth go raw and then her shirt rip on the back. She barely took notice; her senses still completely overwhelmed and hardly able to cope; overdosed on emotions. Only now that she was in Ben’s arms, pressed against his body, did she realize how much she had ached for that moment. How starved and parched she had been.

He left her enough room to shrug out of her torn shirt, tossing his own top aside as well. Her naked breasts heaved up against his chest, warm and strong. They pressed against each other like this, revelling in the sensation of skin against skin, Ben’s scent filling Rey’s nostrils and at this very moment, it was more important than breathing air.

They tore at each other’s remaining clothes, not caring what ripped apart in the process. There was no stopping now, even if the ship would break apart. She knew he needed her like she needed him, the understanding racing across their Force Bond like words screamed aloud. He shoved her up against the cold wall and she wrapped her legs around his back. He slid into her without warning, and their bodies and minds _melted_ together and Rey thought she might be close to whole now, almost completed. He moved inside her, her sweaty back sliding against the metal. But all that mattered was his skin on her skin, his hands holding and supporting her. Rey felt herself relax against Ben’s body, the effect of their lovemaking unclenching her muscles. He stole a kiss from her, a dazed smile on his lips and she smiled back when for a few calm moments, they simply moved against one another and with one another, finding their rhythm. Then Ben drove her closer and then over the edge and the stars appeared behind her clenched eyes and he bit down on her neck, hard, as she felt him coming inside her.

They held on to each other for a moment longer, their rapid breaths mingling, supporting one another through the aftermaths of their lovemaking. Rey untangled herself from Ben shakily, not trusting her legs to hold her if she stood. He made some space for her to move, but never broke their skin-on-skin contact. With eyes still closed, Rey slid down on the ground, leaning back against the wall. She felt the cold of the metal creep into her bones; one tiny foothold on reality.

Rey opened her eyes when she felt Ben’s hands on her shoulders. He had kneeled down in front of her. Ben’s eyes roamed over her face, her naked body. It didn’t feel like scrutiny, and Rey didn’t feel like hiding. She knew Ben was as overwhelmed as she was – and he was as stark naked.

“You’re here” he breathed, his voice echoing the disbelief edged on his face.

Rey nodded silently. Parts of her began to slowly process what had happened, but those were sluggish and muted thoughts, drowned out by the attempt to grasp the completely overwhelming fact that Ben was solid and real and _right here_ in front of her. Although she could feel his hands heavy on her shoulders, she still needed to reach out herself and put her hand on his arm.

If Rey had allowed herself to think on how meeting Ben face to face again would be – was this how she would have imagined it? Never could she have predicted the _intensity_ with which all of her would react to him. Their Force Connected had made them both rawer and more sensitive. It had rubbed their souls against one another without allowing their bodies a way to follow.

“I had to …” she answered eventually, surprised at how raspy her voice sounded.

Ben’s eyes flickered up to the door to their right as they heard footsteps passing by outside. “Although I’m glad I didn’t lock that door, we should probably move somewhere else” he suggested.

A shiver ran through Rey as if in answer and she nodded. Ben got up slowly, reluctant to let go of her. He held a hand out to her as he stood and pulled her to her feet.

“Wait here” he bid her.

The sudden realization that anyone on this ship could suddenly barge in on them left Rey with a spike of anxiety. That effectively chased away most of the numbness in her brain and made her more alert. While Ben stalked away across the room towards what looked like a fancy locker, Rey took in her surroundings properly for the first time. Racks of different weapons lined the far wall next to a small computer terminal. She hadn’t noticed an open compartment further along the wall that seemed to hold mats, weights and other equipment. It eventually dawned on her that Ben must have been occupied completely with fight training until she had barged in on him.

Ben came back to her, wearing another set of the black clothes that lay crumbled and torn in a heap on the floor. He handed her the same pants and shirt and Rey pulled them on quickly. They were thin and hopelessly too big and didn’t do much to warm her. At least the pants had drawstrings, so they stayed up on her hips.

Ben let his gaze travel across her. “I always thought black would suit you” he said softly. And then, as if a thought had just crossed his mind, he stepped up to her and kissed her. Gentler this time, but with an urgency that told Rey how much he had had to hold back during all their Force meetings. She let herself melt into the kiss, leaning against his body. The overpowering urge to close all gaps between their bodies had abided for now, but Rey still lost herself in Ben’s kiss without shame. She felt his large hands encircle her hip, fingers sliding under the hem of her top.

Rey broke the contact, suddenly not trusting their intimacy to stay private for very much longer. Wouldn’t people be looking for their Supreme Leader eventually?

Ben’s quarters were a short walk towards the ships inner regions, and - stars be praised! - no-one intercepted them. She felt his hand brush against hers, steering her around the corners with a touch, always skin on skin, as though he couldn’t bear not to touch her. She understood this need like a fire that burnt brightly now, after the Force had always kept the embers stoked, but never let the flames rise.

Ben’s private rooms were curiously familiar to Rey. She had never seen them, but she recognized the light and the way the engines hummed in a way she couldn’t exactly put into words. It seemed her subconsciousness had picked up more than she had cared to admit after all.

The screen on the wall next to the door showed her that it was just past midnight and Rey winced.

Ben caught her expression. “What are you doing here anyway” he asked her. While she had looked around, he had retrieved two towels. He tossed one to her while he rubbed off his face and hair with his own.

“I wanted to talk to you. From face to face” she said.

Ben gave her a stare of dark amusement. “That is all?” he asked in a low voice.

Rey walked up to him, tossing the towel aside. He leaned ever so slightly towards her but didn’t touch her. As if he waited for her to make the first move.

“Why didn’t you tell me you were here?” Ben asked her when it was evident that she wouldn’t answer his question.

“I tried, but I couldn’t reach you” Rey answered.

“The training” Ben mused. “It must’ve occupied me more than I realized it would”.

“Brilliant timing, Supreme Leader” she said flatly.

“Well, I couldn’t anticipate you sneaking on my ship, scavenger!” he huffed. He regarded her for a moment. “Why did you come, Rey? Why did you really come?”

“I thought this might be our best – and last – chance” Rey answered softly. “So I had to take it. To see you, Ben. But also to give you the chance to decide. You don’t have to go through with this. You have the power over the First Order now. If you tell them to leave us alone – “

“- Hux would have me killed and take over in a second. And then there would be no-one who holds back the First Order ships from blasting the Falcon to pieces”.

“So this is it? You kill us, or we kill you? That’s the only way?”

Ben made an exasperated sound. “Why must everything be only black or white to you?” he asked her. Then he reached out, grabbed her wrist and pulled her towards him. He half-turned her and put his arms around her waist. Rey allowed herself to close her eyes for a second as her back aligned with his chest.

Ben had clasped his hands over her belly and Rey put her much smaller hand atop his. She could now finally feel the small scars she had seen in the Force Visions.

“I’m not a fool, Rey. I know this conflict must end, one way of the other. But until those ships are fuelled up, the First Order’s not going anywhere. So, please. Just for a while longer… “ he whispered the last words against her neck.

Rey shivered. For a moment she wavered; she should already be on her way back. Or at the very least, try to talk Ben Solo out of his warpath. Despite his words, she was sure he had more power than he made her believe. Or had he?

They stood like that in silence for a while, content with feeling their bodies against one another. Rey thought she felt like the earth after a long drought: it took time until the healing rain saturated the soil and the cracks closed. She _needed_ him right now, needed his body pressed against hers. She could get back to being a good little Jedi in a few hours …

Rey turned around in Ben’s embrace and looked up into his face. She reached out and traced the length of his scar with her forefinger, like she had done a few days ago through their Force Connection. Ben closed his eyes under her touch, but his face did not fully relax. There were lines on his forehead, around his mouth. She pressed herself against him, looping her arms around his neck and he stooped down to meet her lips.

He met her eagerly, his muscles growing taut. Their kiss intensified, and their bodies reacted. Ben swooped her up in his arms and carried her wordlessly a few paces to his bed. He didn’t settle her down exactly gently, but the mattress was soft and so was his body on top of hers as he slid between her legs.

There was none of the pressing urgency of their first time. They were safely behind closed doors, and the imminent, aching _need_ was satisfied for the moment. Yet there was no less passion and fulfilment in their lovemaking. More now, perhaps, as the desperate want for as much closeness as possible was now stilled.

Ben had strength, and Rey realized that he held back in her favour. The intensity she had seen in his eyes was mirrored in his passion for her, pinning her roughly to she sheets, his hands leaving red marks when they gripped her shoulders. She never felt threatened or pushed into realms she wasn’t willing to go. It was simply how Ben was: concentrated force, with no way to hide it. She moved her own body against his more gently, guiding him when he began to lose himself too much.

Rey took her time to learn Ben’s body, to find the birthmarks and dimples – but also the many scars. She had only dealt him two, the one on his face and the one on his shoulder. But there was the one from the arrow on his side, after Ben had killed his father, and then there were many, many more.

Ben found her own scars, too. You didn’t live a life like Rey’s without it leaving marks. He traced them with his finger and Rey whispered to him how she had gotten them: a fall while collecting junk. A fight with a drunken customer of Plutt’s. A whip.

Ben held her close then, as if he wanted to protect her from the things that had hurt her, as he moved inside her. And Rey clung to Ben, willing the pain that those scars had brought to leave his memory and smoothen the lines on his face.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here we are :). I had such tremendous fun writing that reunion scene. I hope you had, too, reading it. Right, unfortunately, posting has now caught up with writing. I'm dragging a bloody flu with me since 3 weeks now and most of the time, my brain still feels like its made up of cotton. So please be a litte patient with me!


	7. Visions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Do you trust me?”

Rey awoke to the sight of Ben Solo sleeping. Ben’s head rested on the pillow next to her, his eyes were closed and his features slack. He was breathing deeply and evenly. Rey didn’t dare to move, but instead studied the now-familiar lines. Now that his face wasn’t scrunched up in annoyance or anger, she saw both Leia and Han plainly in him. He looked almost innocent, weren’t it for the scar than split his cheek and forehead. Did all murders look that serene when they slept? Because that was what he still was, wasn’t he? Rey searched her soul for a spark of shame, for what they had done. For what _she_ had done. She had betrayed her friends to come here, to parley with the Supreme Leader. What an obvious lie that was. They had both known, for a while now, that if they ever met in life, they would end up in each other’s arms - and beds. And it was what she had needed, what she had wanted. No, Rey could feel no shame for what they had done. Perhaps Ben had been right when he had said that there was darkness in her, too.

Ben’s breathing changed suddenly, and he awoke stretching and yawning loudly. Rey smiled at the sight but kept silent. He finally focused on her and mirrored her smile sleepily, immediately pulling her close to him. Rey didn’t mind, and she snuggled up to his sleep-warm body. That was nice. And faintly familiar ...

Rey jerked upright, leaving Ben wide awake and staring at her in confusion.

“I’ve seen this. Us. Before” she breathed. It felt like a vivid déjà vu that made her stomach lurch. “That Force Vision, when we first touched …”.

The Force Vision had been a torrent of images and some she had understood instantly. Like Ben’s future; his bright, good future. Yes, she had seen that clearly. But she had also seen more in that Vision, impressions that had raced by her mind, no more than a blurry haze. Only now that she lay in Ben’s arms, exactly like this, did she realize that the Force had already shown it to her.

It hadn’t only been Ben’s future Rey had seen. It had been _theirs_.

Ben’s eyes were guarded as he had sat up too. “You didn’t know?” he asked her softly.

Rey lowered her head. No. She _had_ known. She had always known that what she had seen on Ahch-To involved both of them. She had simply pushed it out of her mind until she no longer thought about it. And yet … she’d asked Ben to join her, hadn’t she? How many times now? That plea had always included him by her side. Fulfilling the Force Vision subconsciously.

Rey slipped out of the bed and picked up her black training outfit from the floor. So had it simply been the Force that had pushed them together like this? A mindless power that only sought to fulfil its own prophecy? No. The Force didn’t work that way, or was it that simple. The Force didn’t _make_ people do anything. Every word they had spoken, every touch they had shared had been their own deliberate decision. What she had seen on Ahch-To had simply been the natural culmination of their actions. She would have ended up waking in Ben Solo’s arms even if they had never shared that Force Vision.

The sheets rustled and Ben stood up from the bed. He didn’t even look for his clothes. Rey folded her lips and let her eyes slide away from his nakedness. Ben seemed to have an unnerving habit of simply not caring how much clothes he wore.

“So you’re leaving now?” he asked her levelly.

“I have to get back to my people eventually…” Rey answered lamely. The revelation of the Force Vision had shaken her more than she cared to admit. What else had she missed? What other déjà vus would she experience? Would she eventually succumb to the Dark Side after all, like Ben claimed he had foreseen?

“Your people?” Ben echoed her sceptically.  

Rey huffed a humourless laugh. “They probably think I’ve defected by now” she said, waving the black outfit at him.

Ben cocked his head and regarded her in silent contemplation for a few moments. This sudden silence of his was a trait Rey had gotten used to and she no longer felt the need to break it.

“And didn’t you?” he finally asked. He took a step forward. “Didn’t you abandon your people to come here, to me? I’m pretty sure my mother has no idea where you are, nor would she have given you the permission”. Up close, Rey could see that the hint of a smile played around his lips.

Rey sighed. “You’re right. They don’t know I’m here. But that doesn’t mean I won’t argue for our cause while I have the chance” she replied. Rey put a hand against Ben’s chest, searching his eyes. “We can still fix this, Ben. You and me”.

Ben put his hand on her cheek, caressing her.

“Do you trust me?” he asked her suddenly.

Rey didn’t even think before she answered.

”Yes” she said. She tasted the word in her mouth even after she had spoken it, and it was true. What a strange sensation.

As if in answer, Ben let his hand travel into her hair as he pulled her closed to him. The clothes slipped from Rey’s hand. His chest heaved and his eyes were intense. That single word of hers had moved him more than she thought it would.

“I trust you, Ben” she whispered. Their naked bodies were close enough that she could feel his warmth. It felt comfortable like this, natural.

“Then join me” he said to her, his voice was firm and low.

“You know I can’t- “ she objected but he held up a hand and Rey fell silent.

“Hear me out. I’m willing to step down as Supreme Leader. This is the sacrifice I will to take for you, Rey”. He took a breath. “Because we _can_ create a new future. I’ve seen it. But without choosing between dark or light. Without jedi or sith. Without the First Order or the Resistance”.

Rey’s eyes widened at his words. “What?” she gasped in surprise. She couldn’t count how many times Kylo Ren - and Ben -  had asked her to join him. As a student first, then as an equal ruler. But those offers had always implied her coming to the Dark Side. Now _this_ was different.

Rey’s eyes flickered down to Ben’s chest. She focused on her hand on his skin, trying to gather her wits. Ben held his breath and Rey realized she did the same. His words hung suspended between them, a pivotal moment with the gravity of a galaxy.  She looked back up, into his open face. The anticipation in his eyes was obvious; the lines of his features were taut. Rey saw in them how much strength it must have taken Ben to say these words.

Rey felt dizzy. The importance of his words began to sink in. The implications they entailed. This wasn’t how she had pictured Ben’s surrender and for a moment, she felt overwhelmed by the sacrifice he was willing to take. Never had Rey even _considered_ leaving the Resistance. She had always thought, innocently, that she would find the small light that was still inside of him and bring him over to the rebels. Even if she herself had grown apart from those rebels. Or, failing that, die heroically in battle with the First Order.

But now Ben offered her a third option.

She felt his anticipation in the rigid muscles of his arms. The one hand that wasn’t tangled in her hair had clenched to a fist by his side. His eyes roamed over her face. She knew he needed her answer _now_.

Ben Solo had sacrificed more for her than any other person she had ever known. He had killed his mentor to save her, had prevented the Falcon to be destroyed by his own people. And now he was willing to leave _everything_ he had fought for behind.

“You don’t belong with the rebels, Rey” Ben urged her. “You’re bigger than them. You know this”.

Rey felt suddenly stripped bare. Not just by the fact that she stood stark naked in the Supreme Leader’s quarters on the First Order’s command ship. The bright, open future that Finn had brought her when he had found her on Jakku and helped set her on her path to become a jedi, had shattered and blown away by the wind. But it had done so many days ago. Leia’s suspicion. Finn’s outright disgust. Even Poe, whom she had instantly liked, didn’t sit with her when she ate. The sideways looks her people gave her. When was the last time she had sat with her friends at a table and laughed? Of course people heard her talking to herself through the Falcon’s thin walls when she met with Ben through the Force.  

No, it had not been Ben who had driven a wedge between her and the Resistance. She had pushed herself away from them, gradually but deliberately. She had taken the one path that would lead her away from that bright future that she might have had in the arms of her new family. It was a dark road she was walking on. But a road only she could have taken. And yet, it seemed to her that the one holding up a guiding light at the end of that road was Ben Solo.

“Le the past die…” Rey breathed. She remembered Ben’s words to her after they had defeated Snoke’s guards in a perfectly synched battle. Even then they had moved as one soul. “We can build something new…” Rey said softly, studying Ben’s taut face.

“Yes!” he breathed. “You see it, don’t you? We’re _both_ bigger than this. A new generation of Force users. We don’t need to be stigmatized. Who tells us that we belong to the dark or the light? You know you have darkness in you. Just like I fought against the light in me. But why fight it? Why not _accept_ who we are?”

Rey sucked in a breath and held it. What a seemingly elegant solution. For a moment it looked _too_ good. It was the one path they could both walk on. The only one they could truly take together. Anything else – Ben surrendering to the Resistance, the First Order shattering the rebels, or even Rey defecting to the Dark Side – would only lead to the certain destruction of one of them. And yet, there was nothing easy after all. They would have to leave their worlds behind. They would be runaways at best and fugitives at worst. It would not end the war. The killing would not stop, the First Order would not fall. Had Ben consider this? Rey searched his eyes and found them steadfast. No, he hadn’t thought this through. But he was rock-certain that they could weather their future together. That with her by his side, they would prevail. Had anyone ever trusted her this much? The weight of that thought nearly brought her to her knees.

This man needed her as much as she needed him. They had entangled themselves in so many ways. From the moment Kylo Ren had taken off his mask for her to the first time she felt him inside of her last night, their destinies had aligned.

There was no more question.

“Yes” she said simply, and it was enough.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Right! Here we are - last chapter. Because this one is really short, you get the epilogue as a bonus :).


	8. Epilogue: Ben

It was the first time Ben saw his mother’s face up close since he had left for Luke Skywalker’s academy. Leia had aged terribly. She still looked regal, despite the non-descript shirt and the lack of jewellery, but the lines on her face were deeper and her hair greyer than they should be. The life she had chosen had taken a toll on her.

“Why doesn’t that surprise me?” Leia sighed. Through the holo-intercom, her voice seemed raspier than Ben remembered it. The image wasn’t very good. For that, there was already too much distance between the Falcon and Ben’s command shuttle.

“Don’t believe that I do this for you, or your little rebel group” Ben spat into the intercom. Why had he ever agreed to this stupid call in the first place? Over his shoulder, he shot Rey a dark glare. She stood some steps behind him, out of the transmitter’s way.

Leia barked a laugh. “Don’t worry, that thought never crossed my mind”. There was a bitterness in her that he honestly hadn’t expected. It made him feel ashamed and so anger rose in him. Even after everything, he had still hoped Leia would be relieved to see him take a different path.

“I’m not saying I should have seen this coming, but I guess there could have been worse scenarios”. She sighed, and Ben thought he saw her face finally soften. Or perhaps it was just a trick of the bad connection. “In a way, I’m glad. It means you’re no longer on these ships when we destroy them”.

“It doesn’t mean I’ll be coming back, mother” Ben told the blueish image flatly.

“I know. And perhaps it’s better that way. I’m old, Ben, and I don’t know if you can imagine what it had cost me to lose my entire family. My husband, my brother, even my foster parents. My father. And my son, or so I thought. It either breaks you and you wither, or you build very sturdy walls around those pains and keep going. Both demand sacrifices, and I chose the last”.

Ben closed his eyes for a moment, annoyed that his mother’s words moved him like they did.

Rey stepped forward and into the camera’s range. “Just … don’t follow us. Please” she said. “We made this call to say good-bye and to let you know I’m gone, so you don’t assume I was captured or killed”. Rey’s voice sounded tight. “I …” she halted. “May the Force be with you” she finally said, her words clipped.

Leia nodded once. “And with you. I mean it. And … Rey, take care of my son”. The lines on Leia’s face showed her sadness and regret now clearly. She reached out to punch a button and was gone.

Rey sank down in the command chair. She looked troubled.

“Do you regret your decision?” Ben asked her. He leaned over her, propping himself up on the chair’s armrests.

Rey shook her head. “This is the right way, I can feel it in the Force. I keep understanding more and more images from that Force Vision we shared. They come back now. It’s just … I might not ever see them again, you know? These people are the first real friends I ever had. Leaving them like this, even if we were at odds in the end, is not easy”.

Ben didn’t know what to say to that. The truth was, he couldn’t relate. When they had stolen out of the Destroyer’s hangar bay with his ship, all he had felt was a wave of relief. It was over now. He didn’t have to fight every single hour of the day to assert his dominance over the fleet. Didn’t have to put up with Hux’s increasing suspicion. And he didn’t have to balance his roles as Supreme Leader and secret saboteur.

That weight had lifted from his shoulders. But another one had settled in its place. He had been Kylo Ren, master of the Knights of Ren, pupil to the esteemed Supreme Leader Snoke. Then he had become Supreme Leader himself, usurping to take command of the largest and most powerful fleet in the galaxy. He had wielded the ultimate power. He could have done _anything._

And he chose to give it all away. He chose to be simply Ben again. He felt a powerful pang of regret, combined with a strangling fear. Not knowing how to deal with that strange combination, he brought his fist down on the command chair’s armrest with satisfying smack.

“Ben!” Rey called in alarm and jumped, but he held her at bay with his other hand.

“I’m fine” he told her through clenched teeth. “I just need a minute”. He pushed himself upright again to pace.

But it had been _his_ decision. His very own. There was no jedi master to push him down the dogmatic path of the light. No Snoke to beat him into submission and define his every waking hour by orders. What had begun with that one single decision to kill his master and save Rey instead had culminated to this. Now he was neither a Skywalker, nor a Sith. Or even a Solo.

It was a curious feeling. Lightheaded, floating too free. A name didn’t change a person, he had told Rey, but he still had to find himself in all this. It scared him, more than he was willing to admit. But he didn’t regret his decision. Because he had made it for her.

The autopilot started to beep suddenly, dragging Ben from his gloomy musings. He strode over to the console, Rey following him.

“Proximity alert. Already?” Rey said, reading the stats.

“The Upsilon classes are fast ships” Ben told her and started to program the new course. “Better strap in, the upper atmosphere has some nasty ion winds”.

But Rey simply stood silently beside him, staring at the image on the screen. It showed a planet that gleamed like a precious pearl, its liquid surface reflecting the light in the colours of a million rainbows.

“This is beautiful” she breathed.

Her amazement raced through their Force connection and tugged at the corners of Ben’s mouth, lifting his spirits ever so slightly. He knew that feeling. When they had shared one of their first Force Connections on Ahch-To, she had marvelled at the rain like this.

Rey had never once asked him where they were going when he had laid their course. This planet was the first place that came to his mind, and it seemed as good as any. It was far away from the current position of the First Order fleet and shared no clear allegiance to them, or the Resistance.

“You’ll get sick of all the water eventually” Ben told her as he closed the seatbelt over his lap. Rey did the same next to time. She shot him a flat look.

“Just shut up. Don’t ruin this for me”. She quipped. When Rey turned back to the screen to stare at the Planet of a Hundred Waters, her face grew contemplative again.

Ben’s hand hovered over the lever to engage their descent to the planet’s surface. They would land on the one of the bigger islands, park the ship. Some explanation would be needed why they came in Kylo Ren’s command shuttle, but they had the Force to deal with that. And then they would simply – what? Build a house, raise a family? Plant a garden and live as farmers or something? His stomach churned at the thought of it. That was a dreadful outlook.

Ben hadn’t thought beyond this moment. Right up until he found himself staring in its face. He had pushed it out of his mind and concentrated on getting them away from the First Order. Stealing his own ship, plotting a course, that dreaded call with his mother – all that had effectively occupied his mind until now.

He sighed and buried his face in his palms, pressing his fingertips against his forehead until it hurt. Kylo Ren might be gone, but who was Ben now? He knew well how to destroy, but now he needed to build. And he had no idea how. He let his shoulders slump from the crushing weight of this thought.

He heard the seatbelt’s buckle click and Rey stepped in front of him. She forcefully pried his hands away from his face. He felt her knees nudge his thighs and she knelt on the chair over his lap, holding his hands in mid-air. Ben closed his fingers around hers. Rey suddenly seemed the only solid thing in the entire galaxy.

“You were always the one who believed more in the Force than I did” she told him, her voice gentle. “Well, I didn’t really understand it for the most part anyway. But you did. You trusted it, Ben. And I trust you. The Force _will_ guide us. It had done so even before we met, didn’t it?”.

She grounded him. When he leaned forward, she met his kiss eagerly. Their Force Connection suddenly flared wide open, making Ben gasp in shock. It had been mostly subdued once they had met physically, but now it burst open like a door. And for a few moments, he couldn’t separate his feelings from Rey’s, didn’t know where his desire for her ended and her desire for him began. His skin became her skin, his heart beat as hers. It was exhilarating and frightening at the same time. Rey’s fist clenched in his shirt and her body shook from the sudden onslaught of mingled passion. Or was it his hand, his body? As suddenly as the sensation washed over them, it was gone again.

Rey leaned back and let out a breath. “Right. Was that the Force making a point?” she gasped.

Ben swallowed hard. He reached out to the Force, that solid, timeless presence that seemed to span between every molecule in the air. Through it, he felt Rey, as a different sensation than her physical weight in his lap. She was an anchor, and a compass. She always had been. A single focus, from the moment that they had met and he had sensed the Force in her. The way he felt about her had changed, but not the fact that she had been constantly on his mind. Guiding his actions without knowing it.

When Rey slid from his chair to strap herself back into her own, he was reluctant to let go of her. But Ben reached forward to pull down the lever and the ship dipped forward.

They would find their path. Together. Because the Force was with them. And that was enough for now.

 

\- End.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That's it folks! Thank you so very much for sticking with me. For every comment, for every kudos. I hope you enjoyed reading this as much as I enjoyed writing it, though it was a bit of a fight in the end. Writing that epilogue, I realized how difficult it really is for the both of them to step away from their solid paths. But I never intended to "solve Star Wars", only to bring them together in this fiction.
> 
> Although I doubt that we get a very satisfying Reylo fest in Episode 9, I still think it would make a beautiful ending if Rey and Ben indeed teamed up to create a new order or Force users. And hey, remember how love played into Anakin Skywalker's downfall? So what if love can be Ben Solo's redemption? Kinda elegant, don't you think? Hope JJ Abrams thinks along these lines too, but I trust the guy ;).

**Author's Note:**

> Writing this, I realized that this story has some parallels to Shakespeare's Romeo and Juliet - hence the title, which is a quote from this work. I think "The Last Jedi" gave us a beautiful glimpse into what Ben's and Rey's relationship could become. They are so connected by more than the Force, it really shone through in that movie.  
> As always, it's not beta-ed and I hope you will excuse any mistakes (or, if you have the time and mind, do point them out, please).


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